So today I got to take the Physical Abilities Test with Tacoma Fire... I passed the test! The test consists of 9 seperate skills that you have to complete within a time limit... 7 minutes and 30 seconds... and I completed everything in 4:48. The guy running me through the test said that was a smoking time, anything under 5 is a good time. After the test, I was cooling down and all of a sudden, I just did not feel good. I got dizzy and sick to my stomach, I had to sit down and put my head between my knees. I thought it would pass, but it just would not go away. If there is a great place to feel sick and almost pass out, it would be the Tacoma Fire Department training center with a bunch of firefighters around. They sat me down and gave me some O2 and started loking at my heart rhythm and vital signs. My blood pressure was 92/74! Usually I am 130/90 so this was really low. It would not go away either! My pressure came back up a little bit, but it went down again when I stood up... long story short, I had to refuse to be transported to the hospital. We figure that it was just dehydration and I feel a lot better now.
There are other tests that I am taking in life right now... I think that I am passing them. One of the things I am thinking about is how I don't believe that God would give me good things in my life. For instance, I was scared to take this test because I was afraid to pass and advance to the next phase of the hiring process. Do I honestly believe that God will give me things to do in my life that would make me happy and bring a smile to my face. I am used to the God who is into changing me and making me different, but how can I understand the God who is into blessing me and seeing me prosper? This is different than anything I have gone through, because it requires a fudamenta change in my thinking, not just a surface level of change or rearranging.
God is good. He is also God. Do I really see Him as a person who loves me and haves my best in mind?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
My time is not my own
I was thinking today about some things... I can't remember what they were though. I have discovered a few things though, I am good at allowing spiritual build-up to happen. I will go a few days without spending time in the word and then I wonder why I don't feel so good spiritually. It is like going a few days without food and water and then wondering why you are hungry and thirsty. I always find time to do other things, like write on my blog or finish up some projects at church, but the actual work of Christian maturity, namely prayer and devotion to Jesus gets lost in the busyness of trying to follow Him.
Those of you that know me well will recognize this as a familiar pattern in my life, being too busy following after Jesus to actually be near Him. For me in my state of life (I don't think this actually changes) I need to be committed to putting my heart in front of Him and allowing Him to have His way with me. I love all the things that I do, and for the most part, they are from the Lord, but when things get in the way, they need to move back to their correct position.
The real reason of this post is to request prayer (and give voice to my heart). I am starting a 10-11 night stretch at work without a day off. In the middle of this stretch, I have 3 church services, 2 surprise birthday parties, and a physical abilities test with Tacoma Fire. I am looking forward to all of them, but I need prayer so that my focus will remain on Jesus, and that I will get the sleep I need.
Nate and Cori have asked me to step up and be one of 2 worship leaders for ReWire. I am thrilled, for a few reasons. I think that Nate and I make a great team, musically and that we can compliment each other well. I also am excited about the vision Nate is giving to worship, I think that it will provide some much needed structure and form. There will be two teams, one team will be playing and the other team will set-up, run sound and media and over all serve the team leading worship. This will happen for 4 weeks, with the two teams alternating and then we will break for 2 weeks of acoustic worship. Another reason is the challenge Nate gave me to raise up a worship leader under me. I need to find one, a kid that God wants me to mentor into worship leading... guess I should pray about that some more. I would love it if the relationship between Nate and I developed into a musical one as well, one where we could play together more often and write together. I esteem him very highly as a musician and it seems (my perception) that he is starting to see me the same way.
Pastor Lance and I met today to talk about life, and it was very rich. I am excited about my future, yes even the near future. I feel like some of the things I have been looking forward to will be coming soon. Even walking into some of these things, I sense the 2x4 of my own expectations coming to hit me upside the head. I don't know what the near future looks like, but I am excited to see it come, even when God does things that I don't expect or anticipate... He is God after all.
I need to go spend time in the Word...
Those of you that know me well will recognize this as a familiar pattern in my life, being too busy following after Jesus to actually be near Him. For me in my state of life (I don't think this actually changes) I need to be committed to putting my heart in front of Him and allowing Him to have His way with me. I love all the things that I do, and for the most part, they are from the Lord, but when things get in the way, they need to move back to their correct position.
The real reason of this post is to request prayer (and give voice to my heart). I am starting a 10-11 night stretch at work without a day off. In the middle of this stretch, I have 3 church services, 2 surprise birthday parties, and a physical abilities test with Tacoma Fire. I am looking forward to all of them, but I need prayer so that my focus will remain on Jesus, and that I will get the sleep I need.
Nate and Cori have asked me to step up and be one of 2 worship leaders for ReWire. I am thrilled, for a few reasons. I think that Nate and I make a great team, musically and that we can compliment each other well. I also am excited about the vision Nate is giving to worship, I think that it will provide some much needed structure and form. There will be two teams, one team will be playing and the other team will set-up, run sound and media and over all serve the team leading worship. This will happen for 4 weeks, with the two teams alternating and then we will break for 2 weeks of acoustic worship. Another reason is the challenge Nate gave me to raise up a worship leader under me. I need to find one, a kid that God wants me to mentor into worship leading... guess I should pray about that some more. I would love it if the relationship between Nate and I developed into a musical one as well, one where we could play together more often and write together. I esteem him very highly as a musician and it seems (my perception) that he is starting to see me the same way.
Pastor Lance and I met today to talk about life, and it was very rich. I am excited about my future, yes even the near future. I feel like some of the things I have been looking forward to will be coming soon. Even walking into some of these things, I sense the 2x4 of my own expectations coming to hit me upside the head. I don't know what the near future looks like, but I am excited to see it come, even when God does things that I don't expect or anticipate... He is God after all.
I need to go spend time in the Word...
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Rookie
I have come to a few big revelations about myself... If life is like a house, then I have found out that my house has a crack in the foundation. I have been shoring it up with different things in order for my life to function normally, but that is no longer good enough. The Lord has put His finger on the problem and He wants to fix it.
The issue is not small. In fact in comparison to all the other work God has done in my heart, this one is deepest of all. So bear with me as I go through this journey and allow the healing that is so necessary to come and bring me some freedom. I wish that I had more time to invest in the Word, in prayer and in just being with Jesus.
My job is great, I like my work and I know that I am making a difference in peoples lives. I may not be seeing the great fruit right now, but I know that the investment will be well worth it. The people that I work with, most of them do not know Jesus so my relationship with Him is a foreign thing to the ER. I hope that they can see how I am consistent in my treatment of people and situations and see Jesus in that. I have been able to be very open about my faith with people and how I want to pastor someday, so people know where I stand. It is hard to have deep conversations with people in the ER, so my prayer is for those conversations to happen and life to be shared.
There was a person in the ER the other night that was not quite right. They began to fight with us and we were forced to restrain this patient for their safety and ours. After we had them restrained, I put my hand on their arm and started to pray in the Spirit. They looked at me with clarity and said, "I'm not ready to go." I was pretty sure where this was going, but I had to make a fool of myself more, so I asked where they were not ready to go to. They said, "I'm not ready to go to hell."
What do you say to that? I wanted so desperately to stop everything and tell them about Jesus and how He can set them free, but can I do that at work? I would love to tell you that this person accepted Christ, broke the power of addiction in their life and will be at Church this weekend, but honestly I didn't get to say another word to them before I went home that morning.
There is a world that is hurting and I want to help. Please pray for me, because in the middle of the remodel God is doing in my heart, I still have a calling and mission to accomplish at work.
The issue is not small. In fact in comparison to all the other work God has done in my heart, this one is deepest of all. So bear with me as I go through this journey and allow the healing that is so necessary to come and bring me some freedom. I wish that I had more time to invest in the Word, in prayer and in just being with Jesus.
My job is great, I like my work and I know that I am making a difference in peoples lives. I may not be seeing the great fruit right now, but I know that the investment will be well worth it. The people that I work with, most of them do not know Jesus so my relationship with Him is a foreign thing to the ER. I hope that they can see how I am consistent in my treatment of people and situations and see Jesus in that. I have been able to be very open about my faith with people and how I want to pastor someday, so people know where I stand. It is hard to have deep conversations with people in the ER, so my prayer is for those conversations to happen and life to be shared.
There was a person in the ER the other night that was not quite right. They began to fight with us and we were forced to restrain this patient for their safety and ours. After we had them restrained, I put my hand on their arm and started to pray in the Spirit. They looked at me with clarity and said, "I'm not ready to go." I was pretty sure where this was going, but I had to make a fool of myself more, so I asked where they were not ready to go to. They said, "I'm not ready to go to hell."
What do you say to that? I wanted so desperately to stop everything and tell them about Jesus and how He can set them free, but can I do that at work? I would love to tell you that this person accepted Christ, broke the power of addiction in their life and will be at Church this weekend, but honestly I didn't get to say another word to them before I went home that morning.
There is a world that is hurting and I want to help. Please pray for me, because in the middle of the remodel God is doing in my heart, I still have a calling and mission to accomplish at work.
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