The Art of Faithfulness

I am discovering that God is not something I should try and explain. I have been in a time where I feel like I am not really growing and I don't like that. Maybe there is something that is going on under the surface of me that not even my usually very introspective self can see, but I don't know.

I do know a couple of things...

GOD IS GOOD!!!

I need to read the word more (5-6 chapters a day is not near enough)

If I am not involved in some activity where I need God to show up, I feel like I am stagnating.

Worship was great on Wednesday night at youth. Mark told me I was leading the day before and I said ok... I didn't stop to check my time with the Lord meter (it was not where I wanted it to be) and I didn't try and be qualified either. I just picked some songs (thanks Anne for the help) and we went for it. I really enjoyed it, because there was about 30 kids there that night and that really helped out worship. I let Jonathon Kvamme sing with me and he did a good job. I really enjoy mentoring him into worship leading, he will be a good one! (so will a couple other guys as well)

Last night, Puyallup Foursquare came out to campus and put on an event with Ignite. They really didn't come across as needing our help with anything, but I was there to put out little fires along with Emily Hockert (you did fantastic last night by the way!) and to help the event run. I got to talk to Marc Wymore for a couple minutes after the event, which was good. We agreed to meet this next week to talk and hang out a bit, but before I confirmed it with Marc, I ran it through Dan. Dan said that he would like to be there as well and that I should hold off on meeting him for a bit. I don't know what to think. Do I not even have that much freedom to meet with someone from another ministry? Oh, well... I guess it would be better to meet with Dan and Marc together.

Last thought... I am graduating in December. I only have one more semester left of College!!! Then what???

Sunday afternoons

I love hanging out and being outside... After church today we went to the beach at Pt. Defiance (along with every resident in the Tacoma area as well). It was fun, but we all had to bring some homework along to make the day productive. I found this hillside that had a steep trail up it so I climbed it and then ran down it, which was lots of fun!!!

Church was great today, I am always so blessed when I go to church. I don't stop to think about it often enough, but I am blessed to be a part of the body at PSCC, let alone in any form of leadership there. This summer will be fun because I want to be on the worship team, but I am not in a hurry to get up there yet, due to all the other things I have going on right now.

I have some work to get done for my immunology class tomorrow, but it is not too complicated. I have a formal paper that we are doing this semester for this class. I am excited about it, not about writing it, but about my topic. I chose childhood exposure to antigen and the amount of times that the person gets sick in later life. I have a pet theory that kids who play in the dirt and in general hang out outside are less likely to having nagging colds and sicknesses later in life. I want to use this idea as my capstone as well so I don't have to do as much research next semester. We will see if this idea works!!!

Football

I am pretty beat up right now and it is because we have spring football practice. We don't wear any pads during spring ball so the offensive and defensive lines get more bruises than actual work done. Because we don't wear pads, the technique is really important. It is easy for the receivers, quarterbacks, defensive backs and safetys to work on fundamentals without getting hit, but for us lineman, we need pads to hit people with. It is the only way to get better at the techniques. All that said, it is fun to be out playing football, remembering our very complicated offense and in general being an athelete. This is the last time I will get to play spring football... (unless I go pro...) so it is starting to sink in a little bit.

There are so many things I want to commit to fully this summer... Football, Campus Safety, Church stuff etc... I am also thining about taking a class this summer to lighten my load in the fall and I would love to travel a bit as well. The thing I want to do more than anything though is to spend 3 hours a day or more with Jesus. Play my guitar, write worship music, read the Word, receive from Him... I think that needs to be the main priority. I know that if I devote the time I won't be dissapointed.

Yeah for a short post today!

I wonder... Do you know HIM!

My bible says my king is a seven way king:

He's the king of the Jews, that's a racial king. He's the king of Israel, that's a national king.

He's the king of righteousness. He's the king of the ages.
He's the king of heaven. He's the king of glory.
He's the king of kings, and He's the Lord of Lords - that's my king!

Well - I wonder - do you know Him?

My king is a sovereign king; no means of measure can define His limitless love.
No farseeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supplies.
No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.
He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere.
He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally grace­ful.
He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful.

Do you know Him?

He's the greatest phenome­non that has ever crossed the horizon of this world.
He is God's Son.

He's the sinner's Saviour.
He's the centerpiece of civilization.
He's august and He's unique. He's un­paralleled and He's unprecedented.
He's the loftiest idea in literature. He is the highest personality in philosophy.
He is the supreme problem in higher criticism.

He is the fundamental doctrine of true theo­logy.

He is the core and necessity for spiritual religion.

He is the miracle of the ages.

He is... He is...

He is the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him.
He is the only One qualified to be an all-sufficient Saviour.

I wonder if you know Him today.

He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried.
He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains.
He guards and He guides.

He heals the sick, He cleanses the lepers.
He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors.
He delivers the captives. He defends the feble.
He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate.
He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek.

I wonder if you know Him.

Well, this is my king.

He is the key to knowledge. He is the wellspring of wisdom.

He is the doorway of deliverance. He is the pathway of peace.

He is the roadway of righteousness. He is the highway of holiness.

He is the gateway of glory.

Do you know Him?

Well, His office is manifold. His promise is sure.
His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless.
His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes.
His word is enough. His grace is sufficient.
His reign is righteous, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

I wish I could describe Him to you!
But He is in­describable... He is indescribable!
But He is your God. Yes He is indescribable...

He is incomprehensible. He is invincible. He is irresistible.
Well, you can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off your hand.
You can't outlive Him, and you can't live without Him.
Well, the Pha­risees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him.
Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. Herod couldn't kill Him.
Death couldn't handle Him and the grave couldn't hold Him.

THAT'S MY KING! That's my king!

I wonder... Do you know Him!

My Weekend!

As frequent readers know, I went to Canada for my Dad's wedding this weekend. My friend Jonathon Frieheit and my brother Joseph drove up there with me. I realized that we had no directions as to where we were going once we got across the border, so the next time my Dad called (about every 30-45 minutes to check up on us) Joseph got some directions to the hotel he was staying at. I think that we drove around for a total of 2 hours total being lost in the Vancouver area!!! Going back was easier, but I still managed to go the wrong way on one of the freeways and had to turn around.

The wedding was held at Karen's church in Port Coquitlam, BC. The church (Hope Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod) was cool and the pastor was an amazing speaker. He presented the story of Ruth and Naomi to the congregation as an example of what love is supposed to be like. The wedding was short and the wedding party was small so it was a really nice atmosphere. After the wedding, Jonathon and I went into the upstairs of the church and just worshipped Jesus, I really needed that at the moment and it allowed me to have grace with my family the rest of the day.

After the reception, the families went to a nice restaurant and the waiters just kept bringing out this delicious food! I think there were like 5 courses to the meal and I ate a bit from each course! It was really good and it was nice to talk to some of the people in Karen's family and talk with my grandmother and uncle as well. Karen's family is very Latvian and they are very sweet. I got to chat with her mother and aunt for a while and I was really blessed by them. They are Lutherans that understand Jesus and love Him.

I was really glad to have Jonathon along because we got to chat for the 3 hour ride back to his house in Federal Way. I love him so much because we can not talk or see each other for a month or more and then hang out and really deal with each others hearts. We were able to encourage each other and I was able to suggest that he find a real mentorship type person in his life.

This morning is Easter Sunday and I was really happy today! We celebrate the resurecction of our Lord, Jesus. The grave could not hold on to Him, He was stronger than even death and the final enemy of eternal life with Him, death, was conquered. I got to church early to join the prayer team in pre-service prayer and I was really blessed. The two verses that I meditated on were Luke 24:5-6 where it talks about the scene at the grave on the 3rd day after Jesus rose and Phillipians 4:4-5 because it describes what our response should be to the great victory Jesus accomplished for us!

Service was great, Justin Isenhart put a great speach by S.M. Lockridge to a video and it was very powerful. They went straight into worship right after that and it slayed me!!! I love how Tad Gaulke went straight into "You Are Good" from the video. The rest of worship was fantastic and then Pastor Tom gave a message about the resurection power of Jesus and asked for people to respond to the Lord. I got to go and pray with a guy who the Lord has been messing up lately, he is a guy that is really down on his luck. I went and layed my hand on him and we worshipped for a bit. I just broke! I started bawling in front of the Lord because He was so beautiful! I felt such a release of the Holy Spirit and I loved it. We didn't even get to pray for anything specifically, God just touched him...

For the offering song, they did a tune by Chris Rice called "Sometimes Love" off of his Deep Enough to Dream album. Justin again outdid himself by putting up soem cool images of Jesus on the cross and stuff like that. I hope that we can continue this trend of doing cool things in worship next week, because I really loved it!

New Posts...

Emily Hockert if you don't post a new blog soon I am going to delete the link to your blog from my page!!!

Pray for me this weekend...

My dad is getting married on Saturday in Canada to a lady named Karen (I think, shows how well I know her!!!) My dad met her on eHarmony.com and I am happy that he found someone to put up with him, but I am not too happy about them getting married altogether. I wish that I knew this would work out well and have a very happy ending later on in their life, but I can't say that.

Ever since my parents got first seperated and then divorced my Sophomore year in high school, my dad has blamed my mom and they have never quite gotten along. At the same time, my dad has been desperate for female companionship, someone to clean house, do laundry and cook. He has had a new girlfriend about every month or so since he got on eHarmony and this is his second fiancee since the divorce (obviously the first one didn't work out).

So they are getting married and I will go up to Karen's Lutheran church in Port Coquitlam, BC and smile and affirm them in their marriage.

Lord, I ask you to bless the marriage of my dad and Karen. Jesus I pray that you would be the absolute center of their marriage and that you would sustain them in the years to come. God I ask that this would be a time of unification in my family among my brothers, sisters and I. Jesus I need you to be there for me this weekend and to allow me grace to show my family, God I pray for healing in Karen's family and in my family. I know that the only way it will happen is through Your Holy Spirit! Jesus come with me please...

I wish that I could be back in LA!!! If I could live my life with a mohawk, leading worship and in general playing my guitar and making music unto the Lord... I would be so happy! I don't even care about all the details that go along with leading worship or making music, just to be in the secret place with Jesus and singing Him the songs that He gives me to write!

Don't take this wrong...

I love being at PSCC, I went to both services this weekend and got really blessed at both of them. On Saturday night, Kaj preached about being prepared to handle affliction and victory. He talked about being ready in three areas, so if your life gets changed radically either through affliction or victory, you will be prepared. The three areas were intimacy with Jesus, a dependance on the Word and a posture of praise and worship. After service, I got to meet with Pastor Tom and we talked about a lot of things and had a really good conversation in general.

This morning at Church, Pastor Tom talked about a release of worship, using Luke 19 and the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. It was great, I was really blessed by worship and just meeting with God.

So if I have been really blessed this weekend, why am I hurting right now? Oh, yeah I remember... I feel like I pour out so much of myself into relationships, on campus and in other assorted areas but I don't get much back. Oh well, Mark told me that there is a little bit of lonliness in being a leader and I know that I can't lead anyone I am not affraid of losing, so that is some comfort... But not much.

Leadership...

Why am I called to be a leader? I don't know, but I know that is hard and I wish that I could forget about it sometimes. Pastor Tom had a real difficult message for me to accept on Sunday. It was about David and how he submitted to Saul while Saul was still alive. He talked about how David had opportunity to destroy Saul and take his rightful kingdom, but was unwiling to harm God's annoitned. I am really good at this leadership thing, I have a strong personality and I am good at getting people to do things (telling them what to do!) but I am even better at leading out of my own strength and not relying on the Lord. I told Pastor Tom that I was really challenged by his message and we got to chat for a bit after church and we are going out to dinner on Saturday after service, so I am excited about that.

I feel really confidant in the pastoral call on my life, but how to go about it is all up to God... I don't know, Pastor Tom said to go where the door is open and right now the door is open at the Youth group at PSCC and really keeps closing for me here at PLU. I wish that I could pour out more into the youth, but football starts today so I need to be here on campus during youth service times. All I can do is continue to serve in prayer and on the worship team here at PLU, because that seems to be all I am given right now...

I also got my full position with Campus Safety, so I get a room stipend that pays for my room and more hours per week as well. Hopefully I can get the stipend in cash so I can pay some bills!!!

Thoughts on LA

Sorry that this post has been so long in coming, but the weekend has been hectic... We got back from LA and it was really good to be back. The trip was fun and I really enjoyed being back at the Dream Center, but I was happy to be back (being in a van for 12 hours will do that to you). We got to do a lot of stuff on the trip and it was all really good. I had to fight the urge to be over the top controlling and frustrated for a lot of the trip, but I got through it and God was even able to show me some things.

For me, the best part of the trip was being in Redding, CA at Bethel Christian Center. I love being in their prayer room and just being a part of the church down there. I am not jealous of them, PSCC is definitely my home, but I enjoy visiting there and seeing what God is doing through a church that is seeking God with everything and then taking what He gives them out into their community. We spent Saturday helping them with their food outreach to the homeless people in Redding and before we went out we spent a good 1/2 hour soaking in prayer and then another 45 minutes worshiping. The outreach leader asked me to lead worhsip (probably because I was the only person with a guitar) and the Spirit just fell. I even played a song the Lord had given me while I was worshiping in the garden around the prayer house just an hour before I played it! I have never played my songs in front of more than 2 people, just due to fear and lack of confidence, but it was really cool. The outreach leader then asked me if I would head up one of the sites where they hand out food, because they were shorthanded and I had done the outreach once before. I felt so useful and accepted there, it was really fun. After we got back from the outreach, I got a text message from Em. Hockert saying that God told her that I was not the leader of the trip and He wanted me to know that.

We got to see Chad, Michelle and Rees on the trip because we stopped in Fresno, CA to visit them and their new church. Peoples Church in Fresno is HUGE!!! It is easily the biggest church that I have ever seen, even bigger than Angelus Temple in LA. Us guys got to stay at the McGill house, a family in Peoples church that have a son in the High School group, and that was a real blessing. Talk about a Christian family, they have something figured out that I wish my family knew about! After church on Sunday, we drove to LA and then the fun started!

I got really sick on Monday, I was in the bathroom about every 5-10 minutes... Monday is the day off for the Dream Center, but the team was able to help out with some of the kids on campus there with their school work and some people went out and picked up trash on the street. I stayed behind in bed and slept! I felt better after that and I was able to eat some real food later.

We got to be a part of the outreaches the next two days and that was a lot of fun... We got to go out on the food truck this year, which we didn't get to do last year. That was a blast going out and providing groceries for an entire week to poor families. They had arranged a deal with someof the local grocers to get food that was about to expire and that is what is distributed out to the people. I got to speak Spanish with some of the people and I really want to learn more and get better and conversation with people, maybe I will start going to a spanish church...

We also went to the beach on Tuesday night and spent some time in worship, while the jet planes from LAX flew overhead as they were taking off. I have never seen a fire light so fast as the one we lit on the beach did, I dunno if it was the stiff ocean breeze or the fire starter logs, but it took off hot and fast! That was a lot of fun, as was worship... people just connected with God, there is something about being on the beach in front of the ocean that takes my breath away and really ministers to my heart. I can't think of a better place to worship than on the beach in front of a fire!

Wednesday was fun because we got to go out and be apart of Metro Kidz and their Sidewalk Sunday School. I learned lots of new phrases and Eddie had to endure the phrase she dislikes (with me laughing at her the whole time!)... One of the guys who was leading our group, Alfred, asked us to continue in prayer for the South Central LA neighborhood that we visited that day, so if you want to join in that... After Metro Kidz we got to go out to Skid Row like last year. It was tough seeing all those people bound in the chains of their addictions, but I know that God is the God of chain breaking so there is hope for the people. The lesson that I learned from Skid Row was that people have to be ready to hear the message of God's love. I could stand and tell everyone about it until I am blue in the face, but if they are not ready to receive it I don't think that it would do any good. I hope that seeds got planted and that I helped water other seeds, but they won't be harvested until it is the proper time.

The drive home was long and the best part about it was talking to everyone about different stuff and finding out that Jennifer had Dramamine, which I took and felt a million times better. We all got home safe and we all got changed a little bit.

We got back on Friday night and I got to go and hang out with Anna vB a little, which was fun. Anna, I will miss you in Belgium, but I am glad that you came and are going back to where your heart is.

Do you want to hear about the two weddings on Saturday??? Maybe later...

Sorry for the length, but I love all of you...

Initial LA aftermath

We all got back from LA last night after 12 hours in a van, but long story short, we got back safe. It was a trip of mixed emotions for me and I will delve into it later... I will also post some pictures as soon as I get them.

Yes, I did have a mohawk!!! If you have not seen it, I will have it on Sunday at church as well.

Gotta get some work done, talk to y'all later.

LA

If you could pray for me on the trip to LA, I would really appreciate it...

1) I want to have a heart to minister to people and especially the people on the trip.
2) Pray that I don't get frustrated woth details and that I can step back and see God's big picture. I want to be the biggest support to James and Emily as they lead this trip and I want to serve them in any way that I can.
3) Pray that I would be forced to carve out as much time with Jesus as possible!
4) General safety for the trip.
5) Pray that God would bring the specific people He wants us to minister to and let us minister to them.

So there are some of my general prayer requests... I love you all and I can't wait to get back and tell all the stories!

Samuel

LA here I come!!!

It is starting to sink in a little bit, but I get to go to Los Angeles, the second biggest city in America in 3 days. I don't know if LA is ready for me yet. I have been thinking and praying for the trip and I am starting to get excited. Maybe it is because I get to have a postive impact on planning it as they have asked me to track down some of the financial details from the school. I have gotten at least $100 and maybe more from Religious Relations. The van ride will be fun... I can say that now, as my but is not sore yet from sitting and doing nothing, but I am really excited for the conversations and to be with the people in the van.

The group found out yesterday that we will be meeting Chad Johnson in Reading, CA at Bethel Christian Center. I am pumped for that, as Chad is one of my spiritual mentors and I would call him a really good friend. He will drive with us to Fresno, CA where we will be staying at his new church and ministering at their Sunday morning youth service. I can't wait to see him, but more than that I really can't wait to get to Reading and go to the prayer house at Bethel. I was there last year and, yeah, it was cool, but I am in a much different place with my prayer life now and I know God is going to show up in a really cool way... Not to say that I don't meet with Him here but I know that Bethel church has an annointing for prayer and I can't wait to be a part of that.

I am honestly more excited to be with the people on the trip than to minister to the people on the street. I told Emily Stratton that I want to be the number one support for her and James as they lead the trip because I feel my role is to minister to the people on the trip and seek the Lord for them. I know that the rest will take care of itself!

Pictures coming soon of my Mohawk, because I need to get my hair cut!

The lighter side of life!!!

I realized today that I always am posting about the crap going on in my life. I don't want to create the impression that all I have are hard times...

I have the most amazing friends in the world and as we were walking back from prayer one night, tragedy struck. It was about 5 minutes after midnight and the UC is scheduled to be locked at midnight. It was cold outside and since I am a thoughtful guy. I told the gals with me that we should walk through the UC. Now I knew that Campus Safety had just shift changed and had more than likely not gotten to the UC to lock it yet. Everyone else was not too sure and they asked me,

"How sure are you Samuel? Are you willing to bet your hair?"

I thought about it and pondered, weighing whether or not I would be willing to risk my beloved hair, and said,

"Yeah, I am willing to bet my hair!"

I think you all can tell where this is going!!!

We get to the UC and sure enough, the doors were locked!!! I lost the bet, I need to cut my hair! If you have not seen my beautiful locks, I am sorry because they may not be here much longer!

We did have an idea. I will cut my hair something crazy everyday for a week and then it will be gone. Start with a mullet, go to racing stripes, end with a mohawk... It will be fun!!! Can you imagine me with a mohawk in LA?

GOOD TIMES!!!

There is so much!!!

I love having my roomate Chase around... It is great to finally have a guy that is going to push me to greater heights with the Lord in my room. Chase and I have had some great talks and even though we are friends, I think it will be great to be intentional with him and grow with him.

I have come to the place with Ignite that I have no more opinions, seriously none whatsoever. I don't care who speaks, I don't care who leads anything anymore and I especially don't care what I am doing in this ministry. During prayer on Sunday, it kept coming up about being willing to do whatever it takes to see the Lord move. For me, it is getting out of the way. The vision that I have is one of all of us working together to push something out of the mud (like a car stuck on the beach). They will see me push as hard and as strong as I can and I won't say a word otherwise. I will no longer be someone who is always talking about the ministry and what I think is going wrong, I will strain and sell myself out to do whatever it takes to see God move on this campus.

I have been placed in charge of prayer ministry along with my friend Kelsie Melton. I am excited about this. I know that there is no higher calling than to pray and help people get healed up with the Lord. In order to get better at this, I sat through Ancient Paths facilitator training. If you have ever done an Ancient Paths class, you will know what I mean when I say that I spent 7 hours with Craig Hill, on DVD. I learned alot, but it was long and monotonous and the only thing I got was to be qualified to apply to be a facilitator, I still need to be accepted by Craig's ministry, Family Foundations International. I figure that if I went through the training I probably should try and become a facilitator.

Financial update... I found out that I am $220 overdrawn in my checking account and since my credit card is maxed out, I cannot transfer money to take care of it. I also have a 2 month $120 cell phone bill and they have turned my cell service off. I owe about $120 for my credit card to pay off the ridiculous fees that Bank of America charges me. All told, I owe almost $500!!! (this is the ugliest color I could find) that I don't have and see no way of getting anytime soon. I was praying yesterday and asking God,

"Ok, where is the money coming from this time?"

I don't know, but God sure does answer prayers especially when it humbles you... My friends James Schafer and Chase have both given me about $100 each to help out. I hate money, dealing with it, oweing it and most of all, accepting it from other people. I don't know how to respond... I feel like my family should be helping out, both my mothers parents are wealthy and could easily help me out for school, but they choose to buy property or remodel their house instead. I guess I really do need to rely on God nowadays...

On to some good stuff, I get to speak at youth group on Wednesday and I am pumped!!! I was going through some crap this weekend and the Lord showed me, well spiritual authority first, but also that I need to remember God! I need to daily remember the things that God has done in my heart and the places He has walked me through! I was struck by Acquire the Fire at the T-Dome 2 weekends ago and I asked a question of God,

"How permanent has this weekend been?"

I mean there were about a thousand maybe more kids that responded and gave their life to the Lord, but what is the permanent kingdom value of these new "converts"? They are at a tenuous time in their walk and satan will try and take the seed from them. Permanence is birthed in prayer, intimacy with the Lord and remebering what He has done for us. Whenever God would do something big for the Israelites (or against them!) they would name the place according to what happened. Doug Marks calls it putting markers in time to look back on and see what God has done. I need to do that everyday...

God I remember You and I remember all the wonderful things that You have done for me and all the times that You have carried me along. I submit to Your plan and all the things You want to do in my life. I love You and I want to know You more. I will willingly wait for promotion and I will willingly wait for the things You have promised me. I will humble myself under Your mighty hand so that You may exalt me in due time. I will cast all my cares upon You because You care for me.

A new season...

I would like to take a moment and welcome Chase Donnely to my room!!! If I could have picked a roomate, it would have been him! We are so different, but we are more similar than people realize. I know that he will grate on me and I will grate on him, but it will be like iron sharpening iron. He is the most "shiny" person I know and getting him to pay attention for more than 5 minutes is a chore, yet at the same time, we have been able to have some cool conversations and stuff like that.

I honestly don't know where my heart is right now, I have no clue. I love Jesus, I just don't have much emotion right now.

Is that wrong?

Am I losing it?

I need some help...

I want to have passion to run after the Lord, I just don't have it right now.

Oh, well, I need to be faithful, I just feel forgotten sometimes and really passed over. Do people care about my heart? What a stupid question... What does it matter what people think of my heart if God likes it? Even if people were to try and help me, I would not know where to start...

the aftermath of desperation

A little advice for all you frequent readers out there. Don't ever take a class at PLU from Dennis J Martin in the biology department. He is a nice enough guy, but he is so addicted to evolution that it has made him a little mentally ill. I took the first test in his class today, Animal Behavior. I had him last semester so I knew how to study for his tests, but he is the type of prof that does not look for ways to make life better for their students. The first day of class, he tells us that we are on our own and that we had better learn how to handle student directed learning or else. I guess that I can take comfort in the fact that he is retiring at the end of the semester.

We have been holding prayer every night for the last week and God is doing stuff. I mean God is doing some really big stuff.

I love it!!!

It started last Wednesday and I feel bad because I skipped youth to stay home and study, but I ended up curled up like a ball on my couch crying out to God because I was so frustrated and hurting. God started to open up some places in my heart that I don't really like because when He does that it is not the most pleasant experience.

I told Em & Em that I was not in the mood for a "normal" prayer meeting. I needed God to show up so bad, it was painful. We all needed Him and He showed up...

Did He ever...

I have never heard prayer with that much fervency, passion and desperation. The theme for me that night was, "God if You don't show up and if we don't meet with You, then why are we here?" God did show up and we did meet with Him. We finished with prayer and said to each other, "When are we praying tomorrow?"

Last night at prayer was interesting. I felt like we wern't going anywhere in prayer again and I began to get perturbed. The Lord brought to my mind the Israelites in the wilderness and how they would follow the cloud of God's presence wherever it led. If the cloud stopped in a single spot, then they would camp there. However long the cloud remained in that spot is how long they would camp for, 1 night or a whole month, it did not matter. I felt like the Lord was telling us,

"However long I dwell on something is how long I want you to stay there."

The night before, God had told us to wait on Him and He gave me a picture of kids coming home from school and demanding their parents to put on this huge display of who they are and to have this big production. I felt like we do that with God sometimes, we come before Him and say, "Here we are God, now where are the fireworks and amazing things that I always hear about?" It felt like we were just having family time with God, nothing amazingly spectacular, no extraordinary manifestations of the Holy Spirit, just us communing with God and encouraging each other.

Last night we talked about how we were not going anywhere in prayer that night a little bit and it kept coming up on how we were un-prepared to come before the Lord corporately because we had not been with Him personally.

Oh, yeah, I am on Rich Olander's good side now. I meet with him on Wednesdays and he pretty much started my soul travail by challenging me to lead not to fulfill a need in my heart, but only when the Lord wants me to. It has been a challenge and I am not too good at it yet, but I am getting better. I told him about the prayer that has been going on, he got really excited and asked me questions about it for a good 30 minutes. Rich and I have not always got along very well, because I feel hurt by him and Dan sometimes, but I need them to be aliies and not enemies, Ignite needs us to be on the same page. So I am very glad to be in Rich's good graces.

As I read over my last post, I see the big words Come Holy Spirit...

Funny how God answers prayer!!!

Refining

I guess we should rejoice when we go through stuff in our lives, becasue it is Jesus trying to refine us into something that looks more like Him. The question is whether or not we are going to let Him. I have been challenged a lot lately in different settings and now I need to respond to the Lord appropriately. There are many challenges in my life and I need to know how to react to them, challenges at Ignite, PSCC and with different people in my life. I have so many questions and none of them have easy answers. Why am I in school learning biology and trying to get a good grade while at the same time an integral part of Ignite and PSCC youth and then working 12 hours a week... Why don't I have time for anything, why am I so frustrated... why do I have a full schedule and a test on Friday? Why can't I leave school and have some free time and why the heck can't I run from all these problems? Why can't I find time to spend with Jesus???

So here I sit, it is almost 7 pm, and I need to go lift, read 3 chapters of biology that I have not started for my test next Thursday, I also need to read for my testito (little test) in another biology class on Friday. There is prayer tonight at 9 pm and then I have a basketball game at 11. Tomorrow morning, I meet with Mark Wolbert at 7:30 and then with Nikki at 10. I have my Animal Behavior class from 11:50-1:35 and then guitar lessons (that I have not practiced for because I don't have the book and even though it is easy stuff, I still need to have played it before I go to my lesson) from 2:45-3:45 which leaves me just enough time to go to work at 4. I get off of work at 8 pm and then I need to get to a football meeting by 9 (I am already skipping a team goof off session from 7:30-9 ish and Man-Up Bible study). Whenever football gets done (hopefully before midnight, though Scott did promise to have us out within an hour, we'll see) I guess I can study some more and then go to bed. Get up Friday morning have breakfast with a guy that is on the football team and was around Ignite last year and I would like to be around some more and then go to class. Oh, yeah Acquire the Fire is this weekend with the PSCC youth and 30 hour famine here on campus. So I am skipping 30 hour famine (including 30 hours of prayer and all-campus worship) to go to ATF, but I did tell Mark yes first.

Do I have a right to be stressed??? And now I have wasted an hour playing on the internet and writing on this blog...

WHY CAN'T I JUST DO NOTHING EXCEPT SPEND TIME IN THE SECRET PLACE???

I need a time of refreshing,

COME HOLY SPIRIT!!!


So there is the vent and out spewed all the grossness. I guess if life was easy and I knew everything, I would not need the Lord.

I still love you all and I am not going anywhere (I like to think I am too tough for that) but life is rough right now. Jesus is refining me. It hurts, but I am willing.

Campus Safety and creativity... Go figure.

I started working for the Campus Safety here at PLU and I think that it is a lot of fun. I get to walk around campus with keys to every building and a radio. It is also rekindling my love for the emergency services because it reminds me of Vashon fire back when I used to volunteer. I really enjoy that type of people and being in the kind of environment built by mutual trust. I also get to walk around with another person and talk and interact with them. I was training with one of the student supervisors who is a biology major like me and we chatted about how there must be something behind all the cool diversity in the world and how it could not be natural selection. This is a fellow who does not know the Lord and would rather not, but as he was telling me about how he was an atheist coming into college and how he is not so sure now, I was able to share how I believed in the Lord and the creation story found in Genesis. It was interesting, at one point he started to say something and then stopped saying that he didn't want to make me mad. I was able to reassure him that he would not make me mad and that I valued what he had to say! When will the church learn to not take offense to things that are different and just love people?

Honestly, I can understand how so many people have been hurt by the church, especially young people. Sometimes it can feel like there is no place for you there. Even a church as great as PSCC can sometimes miss the point when it comes to my generation. How can Jesus and His message be relevant to this generation? I believe it is primarily through love and acceptance of the person (not necessarily the sin) and then being able to communicate with them on their level. My generation has an unprecedented level of creativity, so the same old thing is not going to work all the time. I believe that for the campus, the message is being hurt by being presented in the same way every time. Oh, well, maybe I am wrong... It seems to be a frequent occurance lately.

I love it when the Lord takes me to new places in Him. I have been going through a drier season lately and it was cool to realize that I need Him more than I know. I sometimes will put off my devotional time and do other things, like check the Ignite e-mail account or shower and eat before class. These are all things I need to do, but I need to be with Jesus more. He is my only focus and my only way of life. I need to love Him more and the things I am doing for Him less!!!

Aberdeen Retreat!

I have a couple of thoughts about the Aberdeen retreat... It went really well and I was so encouraged to see that we could bless the River of Life church family and all. I was also really happy to hear the good report from people on the trip that they learned a lot and it really impacted them!

On Friday night, we left Tacoma a little later than I wanted (after a interesting debacle trying to get the vans I had reserved from Campus Safety, but that is not important to my story) and went to get gas. All three drivers, Dan Donohoue, Carl Pierce and I thought we knew where the station was and we all kinda scattered! We ended up deciding to turn around and get on the freeway and stop at the first Shell station we found. We had to turn around in a strip club parking lot!!! This illustrated the fact that it was an attack from satan and made me laugh. His plan backfired on him, he was trying to get me frustrated and angry from the start, but the strip club was too obvious and it made me laugh!

We got to Aberdeen and everything worked out really well. Jake Broady and Doug Marks both shared with us about stuff and it was all really good!!! We also got to do some service for the people of the church and some community members. Aberdeen had a really large windstorm that weekend and the power had gone out and come back on a couple of times, so we walked around and handed out candles and matches to people so they could have a light in case the power went out! Other people got to go and scrape paint off a house and paint the inside dining room or chop and stack some wood. Overall it was a huge win with the service projects.

On Saturday night, we partnered with the Agape club from Grays Harbor Community College and had a worship night. It was kind of lower key and more intimate which was cool. The leader of the Agape club, Mallory, said something that I had never heard before. She said that in the geneology of Jesus, on of the guys names means "praise" and he named his son "breakthrough" so as it says in Matthew chapter 1... Praise begets breakthrough" and I thought that was really cool!

Sunday morning was good, I finally got everybody up and we got the place cleaned up in time for the worship team to come in and practice on time. We were able to spend some time debriefing about the weekend and the things that we had learned. Sunday service was good and we got home at tht time I promised everyone!!!

Things that I learned from the weekend, was to not really sweat the small stuff. So what if 3 people did not get up when they were supposed to. So the UC shorted us lots of food and people were hungry every once in a while. Overall I learned what it is really like to be in charge of something and it was really good to have it go off well. On the way home from Aberdeen, I was driving by myself and I got to spend some time with Jesus and thank Him for carying me over the weekend. The only way that I was able to stay sane for he whole weekend was because Jesus gave me the strength. I know that this won't be the last thing that I plan and it may not be the best or the worst thing I ever am a part of, but it was fun and I enjoyed it!

Jake gave me some really encouraging words after church on Sunday and overall I could tell that they were all really blessed. I hope that we get to go back there and see them again, because I think that the team caught a vision of servanthood and all the cool things that happen when we step out and serve people in His name.