Update on life (hot off the press!!!)

I am warning you all now, this might be a long post. I guess that is what happens when you don't write for a while, it all sorta builds up and then comes rushing out. Well, I guess I'll just get started.

To bring closure to some things that may be still open... I got my stipend back from Campus Safety and along with it I am now working 20 hours a week, the maximum I can work during the school year. I will be making $8.50 an hour and I am going to be talking to the boss people about promotion to supervisor which would pay an even $9. The one down side is that I have almost all of my hours between 4 am and 8 am. I am not sleeping much, but I will manage. I wake up every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 3:30 am and shower and dress for work. I get to work and I make some tea and put it in my PLU mug that I have. It is amazing how grown up I feel because I drink tea in a mug!!!

Ignite is going great right now. We are really building momentum and I love seeing what God is doing. I got to talk to Chad Johnson today about a lot of things (more on that conversation later) and we chatted about Ignite. One of the things he told me was that it is all about intimacy with Jesus. I know this, but I forget so easily because I am so easily clouded by the things I am doing. I get to handle a lot of the administration duties for Ignite and I feel like that is a full time job in and of itself. I am super busy with a lot of things right now and one of the first things to go is my time with Jesus. I am challenging myself to put that first before anything else. Lance Powers, who spoke at Ignite last night and was so annointed, said that God does not want to be #1 in your life. If He is #1, that implies that there is a #2 and a #3 and so on. God wants to be the ONLY thing in my life and I need to let Him be that for me.

Sean Smith is coming in 2 weeks to Ignite and I am getting excited. I want to make some T-shirts that have a cool phrase on them and have some key Core people wear them for a bit before the event to build some energy about it. God we need about $200 to make this happen and do it at a top notch level with the T-shirts. We also need about $800 on top of all that to defray the cost of Sean and his wife staying here and eating alot, etc... We have the venue all lined up and even though I am still working on the gear we will use, it should be fine. Conferences and Events told me today that we cannot use the sound equipment from the church, because we are required to rent from Media Services. This is frustrating, but I will see what I can do about all this.

I am really happy about the transition at PSCC with Lance Powers coming in as the new senior pastor. He is a dynamic guy in love with Jesus and I can't wait to see what God does in my church. Also, bringing Nate and Cory Boyt along with him is a huge plus and I can't wait to work with them either.

So now to the depressing portion of the update. I will never play football again.

I have a, "...moderate to severe compression of my spinal cord in between my 4th and 5th cervical vertebrae." Long story short, if I get hit the wrong way, I could become a quadraplegic or worse. Heck, if I get in a bad enough car wreck, my odds for serious spinal injury are way up. I saw the neurosurgeon today and we talked about my MRI that I got and he showed me a portion of it that showed a very clear impinging on my spinal cord. I told Scott our head coach and David one of our line coaches about it today, so the team will know soon enough.

I have been struggling with Stingers as they are called for about 3 weeks now. When I was playing, I would get 1-2 every practice at least. Our training staff wisely decided to sit me out for a bit and to have me see the Campus health center. I met with them and they decided that I needed to go and get X-rays of my neck. I did that and showed them to Dr. Mariani, our team physician. He also examined me and found that I was weaker on my left side, the arm I would get stingers in, than I was on the right side. He decided that an MRI was needed to see if there was any structural damage to the spinal column. Because Dr. Mariani sees more knees injuries, hes a sports medicine specialist, than neck injuries, he sent me to a specialist, Neurosurgeon Dr. Anthony Harris. That is where I went today and I saw Dr. Harris and he told me the news about my football career.

He said that I could have surgery to fuse the C4 and C5 vertebrae, but because I am not having symptoms for the most part, he said that was probably not the best idea at this time. If symptoms do come back, then surgery on my neck is something I will probably have to get.

I am not really sure how to feel right now. I am ok for the most part I think, but I don't handle trauma and pain very well. I tend to bottle everything up and not let it be expressed. I feel the same as I did when Eric Fergen died, kinda numb I guess. Maybe it is the Lord's gracious mercy not allowing me to experience the full depth of emotion about this. I came to PLU to play football and football at PLU changed my life. I would not know Jesus the way I do today if it had not been for men like Frosty Westering, Chad Johnson and others who have gone through the PLU program or been around it. The program is very special to me and I don't want to leave it, but that is the beauty of PLU football, I can do other things that don't include playing and still be a part of the family.

I got back from the doctors today and went out to practice. Dr. Mariani was there and we got to talk for a bit and turns out he knows Kaj pretty well and is a believer so he prayed for me, right out there on the field and everything. We talked about a lot of things and he has been such a great resource to me it is incredible. Dr. Harris gave me some things to do to strengthen my neck still and to maybe relieve some of the pressure on my neck. That will be my competition, seeing how hard I can work to get well and put myself in a position to not have any long term effects from this.

I can't help but feel let down by this. I never really got my chance to play for PLU on the field. I was either injured or there was someone starting in front of me. I love competing and I love working with others to achieve a goal, two things football offers in spades. Never getting that chance hurts a little bit. Also, realistically looking at it, what if I had never earned a starting spot this year, how would I have felt about myself later. I can at least say now that I was injured my entire senior season and never got a chance to suit up. I love football, I love this team, I love the program at PLU, I love the guys... the question I am facing is do I love God more?

I think that I do. I will get through this, prayeras and hugs are always appreciated, but I will get through this.