Ouch...

I need to be honest here. I have been going through a lot lately, most of it relational. Some of it is good, some of it is very painful. I don't need to tell any of the details, because even though this is the internet (most private place ever) and no one reads this blog anyways, details need to be kept low key. This blog has always been intended to be a place where the people who love and care for me can read up on my life and keep up with what God is doing in my life. I hope that this leads to prayer and support for me, it is not supposed to be a place of venting or mud slinging.

I do want to dwell on some of the good things. Chase and I have been hanging out a lot and we are developing a depth of relationaship where we can really share and support each other. Yesterday, after lunch, we hung out in the room all day. I was frittering around doing anything but homework and he was studying, but the conversation continued throughout the afternoon. I really appreciated it, because we were able to share our hearts without worry. I love you Chase.

Tabitha and I go running a lot. We both think we are fat (I tell Tabitha she is crazy to think that) so we need to exercise more. I find that I can run forever, but I doin't feel like I am in really good shape. I guess that I need to do more high intensity workouts where I sprint and use bursts of speed along with the cardio that we get to do. It is one of the drawbacks of being injured, I don't get the conditioning from football anymore. I need to generate the intensity of exercise for myself, I guess that is where the power of choice that we talk about all the time at football comes in huh.

I have been thinking and praying a lot about my future. The natural first question after people find out I graduate in 6 weeks (thats correct, 6 weeks) is, "What are you going to do after graduation?" People mean well, I am sure of that, but the question gets annoying. For the record, if I graduate (I am still waiting for another financial miracle) I plan on working for Campus Safety for January term. It is a good job, 40 hours a week, free place to live etc... After January, I would like to go and work at the hospital again, like I did before I went to PLU. At the hospital, I can make good money, with lots of hours and still have time of every week. I really do want to start building a financial base for my future and start correcting some of the mistakes I have made in the past.

As far as ministry goes, I am still uncertain. I would love to go straight into full time ministry, but that is not likely. I also would like to go to some sort of ministry training, like IHOP or Bethel church have. I think that a solid time of just seperating myself out and being immersed in an environment like those two places offer would be good for me. Thos are kind of pipe dreams at the moment, but who knows what God will breathe on and bring to life. I also would be happy to go to Paramedic school and pursue a career as a paramedic, but I don' t know.

There is my heart. It hurts right now, but it is full of dreams, vision and aspirations.

ANNE!!!

It is time for a new post on your blog, Anne... The last time you posted was Aug, 11th!!! I am about to delete your link and I don't want to do that!

random thoughts...

I have been downloading podcasts off of iTunes, stuff from Bethel, IHOP, Hillsong etc... It is great. I get to have some amazing preachers and ministers pouring into my life, everyday. I have also been getting a lot better about my time with the Lord, so long story short, I am getting over my spiritual apathy.

I think it is interesting that a lot of us, especially in leadership has been going through some really tough life issues, but I hope that we are turning the corner on some of that. I do feel that breakthrough is still needed and that we will only get through with unity and persistence in prayer. Bill Johnson, from Bethel Church, talked about unity and the annointing for miracles. He siad that he has never seen a child be healed when the parents were in conflict. The breakthrough (healing of the child) was prevented by disunity (parents in conflict). I think that we are experiencing some of the same situation right now, we have a good thing going at Ignite, but it could be a lot better!!!

The Lord showed me a picture the other day, it was like an archer shooting an arrow, but it was a flaming arrow. The arrow was shot into the pitch black night sky and it tore it apart. The Lord was showing me that my life is like the arrow, shot into the night sky on fire. I do not need to slow down and go at the same pace as everyone around me, because the worlds pace is actually backwards going away from God. I look to my friends so much for acceptance and love, so much that I can forget to run to God. In being an arrow shot out, I can forget about frustration, fears and failures, because they slow me down and will not help me do what God is calling me to do.

I am reading Corinthians right now, 1 Corinthians was really good, but 2 Corinthians is even better. So many nuggets, so little time. The one I want to share with you all today, because it will illustrate where I am at right now.

2 Corinthians 6:4-10

"... but in everything commending ourselves as servants (ministers) of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God; by th weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left, by glory and dishonor, by evil report and good report; regarded as deceivers and yet true; as unknown yet well known, as dying yet behold, we live; as punished yet not put to death, as sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing yet possessing all things.

I love the part where it talks about the power of the word of God and the Holy Spirit and the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left. It is really good, such goodness, ummm...

Here we go...

Sorry that it has been a while since I have been on here, but life has been hectic. Last week I had two papers and two presentations to do. Along with working 20 hours, Ignite and football school can sometimes seem unimportant. I have been the most studious of all my semesters here at PLU, too bad it is my last one that I finally figure it out!

It is cool how the Lord will give you strength for things. In fact, he will prepare you for a large challenge by giving you smaller ones to build you up. Last week was tough in the fact that I had a lot of work to do, but this week has been as tough or tougher with a large midterm (tomorrow in fact) and my capston being due. The capstone is a senior research project that everyone at PLU does, no matter the major. I have to write about my project for 10-15 pages, not really a problem, but it is such technical writing and I cannot use flowery language to stretch the pages. Good thing it is only the rough draft that is due tomorrow and I can e-mail it at any time tomorrow.

I realize that I put people in front of God, and I do it alot! I know that sometimes, especially when I am in charge of something, I seem to put people second to getting a job done and to some extent I do that, but I love people so much. It hurts me a lot wehen the people I love feel that they need to come to me and confront me with issues regarding how I treat them. I have had a few conversations with people the last few weeks about some stuff and it all boils down to how I communicate with them. I need to get better at communicating and being humble. Oh, well don't we all!!!

Long story short, I never mean to ride roughshod over people and I do actually love you all, so much that it hurts sometimes.

Ministry Glaze

Ever been so busy and done so much work in a short amount of time that you feel exhausted and just tired deep down in your bones? I am sure you have, so that is where I am at right now.

Sean Smith came to PLU and God did some amazing things. We saw about 10-12 people give there hearts back to Jesus and some amazing miracles of healing and people being set free! It was great... but it can tend to wear you out, no matter how much time you have with the Lord. Mark Wolbert calls it the ministry glaze because you get that look in your eye that readily identifies that you don't have much left to give.

So let me tell you the chronological story of my weekend, that ended on Wednesday night! I started fasting on Saturday and seeking the Lord for annointing while at the PLU-UPS game (we won 32-28). I really damaged my voice in the process by screaming so much. On Sunday, played bass and Sean spoke. It was a great time and it ended with me at the altar being prayed for during the ministry time and that was sweet. We had a lunch meeting as an Ignite staff and then I had to jet to N. Tacoma to my brothers 21st birthday. Even though I was late, it was still a cool time to hang out with the family and see people. I left the birthday party and got back to campus to tie up some loose advertising ends. I left to go back to church at about 5:15 and I helped set up for the next service with Sean at church. I also played bass that night and I got to talk to Mark about some stuff and was able to have him cover me in prayer for the rest of the week. Sunday night was more of a ministry time and a lot of people got very touched by God. On Sunday night after church, we randomly decided to drive out to Westport... at midnight. We all crammed into Tabitha's car, Emily Hockert, Nikki, Anne Syvertson and I. We made the drie out there, stayed on the beach for a while and then drove back. Long night, I didn't sleep because I had to be at work by 4 am. It was great, we all prayed for each other and we all just got met by Jesus. Tabitha got baptized in the Spirit and we all had an absolute blast. Monday was great, Sean spoke at our regular Ignite meeting and about 8-10 people accepted the fullness of who Jesus is. Tuesday we did a big all campus event and about 80-100 people showed up for it. The night went well and God really moved. We now have a large group of people who will need discipling and care so we need to plan for that and be ready to provide for the need. God is good.

Mark asked me to lead worship last night at youth group and it was my 5th worship service in 4 days. That is about 4 hours a day (average, some were a lot more) doing stuff related to worship; getting set up, practicing, playing and then tearing down. It was great, don't get me wrong but I was ready to be done playing my guitar last night after worship. Worship last night was great because the kids realy bought into it and began to encounter Jesus in a way I have never experienced before with this group. I was not at my best musically, but Jesus showed up and ministered to kids.

So I am tired. The ministry glaze is characterized by physical and mental exhaustion yes, but also by spiritual exhaustion as well. Please pray for me that I will allow the peace of God to sustain me and to carry me along these next few days.

I love the Ministry Glaze for one simple reason. It usually means God moved in a powerful way.