The Adventure of Life

I apologize to anyone who has been trying to get a hold of me for the last week and a half. My phone has not been working, so I have had a silent phone for a bit. The silent phone is a double edged sword for sure! I have enjoyed some peace and quiet, been able to not worry about other people as much, because they can't call me, and I have come to realize how much I do use my phone daily. Another side benefit is the temporary cease fire from the endless text messages from some of my small group guys! (I do enjoy getting them, but sometimes the sheer volume of them is overwhelming) The cutting edge of this two edged sword is that I have not been able to hear back from the interview at TG I had 2 weeks ago. And I have been really bored. No one is inviting me out to do stuff anymore (because they can't get a hold of me!)

I did hear back from the Tacoma Fire Department. I got a letter saying that I passed the testing process (71 out of 80 on the test I took so 89%) and said that I was placed on a list for hiring consideration. I was ranked number 17 on that list the letter said. I know that the next step in this hiring process will be a physical agility test, but the letter did not say anything about that. The worrier in me wonders about the list I am on. Is it the list of people they decided not to invite to agilities? Is 17 the rank I got along with everyone else who scored a 89% on the test? My friend Andy got a 69/80 and ranked 24. I guess I will just wait and see what comes next. It would be a cool job to get though!

In the meantime, I have been working for a wonderful older lady who lives out on Lake Tapps. She just happens to be my Grandmother, and she and her husband Warren are remodeling their house. I have been taking on a lot of the projects in the yard for them and this has been super fun. I get to be in the yard doing yard work (which I enjoy) sometimes supervising other people (this 13 year old kid David and my brother Timothy) seeing a project to completion (always a nice feeling) and when I get super warm and tired, swimming in Lake Tapps, right off of their dock.

But for the actual important things in life, they have a way of building up. God is so good to me and I have been disciplined to spend time with Him daily, but I am starting to get unsatisfied with where I am at. No, a better way to put it is disgusted. That is how I feel. This storm sucks. I don't like it. I have no idea what to do. Do you know how hard that is for me to say? I'll say it again, "I have no idea what to do." I feel like there is no stability in my life and that there never will be. I had a wonderful word prayed over me this weekend, about how when a tool is forged, it goes in the fire, gets pulled out and is beaten for a while and then goes back into the fire. This process is repeated over and over again until the tool is complete. I am that tool that God wants to use, so that means I go into the fire, get pulled out and beaten and put back into the fire until the man God wants me to be is forged in me.

I guess when I am in the middle of the fire, or getting beaten into shape, or put back in the fire it is not fun and I really look forward to the end. Everything in my flesh screams that following God always leads to pain because I will never be good enough to serve God. Ah, now I am getting emotional about it and allowing my feelings to dictate to me. What stops me from abandoning hope is the simple fact that I love Him. I am not one to easily quit and He never quit on me.

It all comes down to trust in the end. Do I trust God, or do I trust myself? I seem to have gotten myself into the messes I am facing, and every attempt to get myself out has been like struggling against quicksand... so maybe I should trust God for it.