Along with being terrified/excited for my Oral Board with TFD, I have some things I need to accomplish first.
1) Study and prepare! This is not the typical interview, it is a pass/fail thing! I am pumped, because I like to think that I thrive in situations like this.
2) Get nice clothes. I need a nice suit for this, because of the whole pass/fail thing.
3) Cut my hair :( I have been growing it out for almost 16 months and I will be sad to see it go, again the whole pass/fail thing.
So here is the random question. What should I do to my hair before I cut it? It is long enough to do cool things with, so what should I do and take pictures of? Let me know!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Pendulum
Do you ever feel like your life is a pendulum and that you are swinging from one side to the other? That has been me the last few days. Through three separate events, I have been swung from one side of the emotional spectrum to the other, so I find myself in the middle once again trying to process.
I have been working a ton lately, I just finished an 8 day stretch of night shifts in a row. I was also responsible for training one of the new EST's as well. He is a great guy, Andrew, and I think that he will do very well in the ER so I really enjoyed getting to know him and working with him. On Sunday night, we had a trauma come in that was very nasty. I don't need to go into details here, but suffice it to say, it was a 17 year old kid who broke up with his girlfriend, got drunk, rolled his car and ended up dead. My streak is still alive, no one has died in my ER while I am on shift, this young man passed up in the ICU later the next day. His family was obviously very upset and distraught. I got to interact with them a little bit, but what can you say to people in this situation? I am called to be a pastor, but in times like that all you can do is pray, there are not words appropriate for that depth of sorrow and pain. In the past, I would have just let the emotions bury themselves and rationalized it by saying that is what you have to do in my line of work. There is a lot of things that I see that are sad and hard, but I am paid to be there for the people in those situations, so I have to function. This one bugged me though... I have some processing to do.
Ok, so I don't get much sleep and I go to work Monday night. We had a mother come in and deliver her baby in one of our triage rooms. This would have been a cool thing, intense, but cool if the baby had been full term. It was only 23 weeks, 3 months premature. Again to spare all the details, the baby did not survive this, despite valiant efforts from the NICU nurses and doctors. So, I haven't processed the night before and now I have this mind searing incident to process through. I will never forget the scene I walked into, never. This happened about 4:30 am and I still had 2 1/2 hours left of work. Again, I had to delay the processing of this tragedy until later.
You may be thinking, "Wow, Samuel should quit his job, that is too much!" If I leave this business, who will shine the light of Jesus in the way I am supposed to in my ER? Jesus has called me specifically to this job and provided a way for me to thrive here, despite all the hardship. So, join me in praying for the two families that experienced horrible tragedy this last weekend.
Now, most of you know that I stay up after work usually. I go to the YMCA and swim, get coffee, spend time with Jesus etc... This morning, I had arranged to hang out with Justin Wirtz (my favorite skinny 16 year old punk who hurts my back) and get coffee. We had a great time together sharing life and growing... still haven't had a lot of opportunity to process the emotional overload from the last few nights. On my way home, I am beginning to think about all this hoping to begin the process of healing, when I get a phone call that could change my life...
It was the Tacoma Fire Department asking me to continue in the hiring process. Brief overview, TFD hires every two years, if at all. 1300 people applied, 900 took a written test, 400 took a physical test that only 240 people passed. From those 240 people who passed all the elements of the testing process, I heard that 75 people got invited to interview for the job, and I think that they will hire somewhere between 20-40. You can read some of my past blogs and my thoughts from other steps in the testing process. I was asked to interview, and I have the Oral Board, as it is called, on December 19th at 9:30 am. The Oral Board consists of 4-5 ranking people within TFD and is basically you proving yourself to them in an intense fashion. They have difficult questions designed to trick you and see how much you have prepared for the interview. My job in this Oral Board is to communicate to these people, in spite of the difficulties presented to me, how well I will do in their department. This phone call is a big deal and the pendulum has now swung emotionally once again.
I now get to process 2 separate spectrums of emotions, pain & suffering : joy & anticipation.
The pendulum of life swings as the Lord wills it. In the past, I would have not thought to spend time processing all this. Now, as the Lord challenges me to be honest with myself, in every way and to do away with the facade that I put up, even to myself, I need to process this. I recognize this as a huge step in my maturity as a man, but that doesn't make it much easier.
I have been working a ton lately, I just finished an 8 day stretch of night shifts in a row. I was also responsible for training one of the new EST's as well. He is a great guy, Andrew, and I think that he will do very well in the ER so I really enjoyed getting to know him and working with him. On Sunday night, we had a trauma come in that was very nasty. I don't need to go into details here, but suffice it to say, it was a 17 year old kid who broke up with his girlfriend, got drunk, rolled his car and ended up dead. My streak is still alive, no one has died in my ER while I am on shift, this young man passed up in the ICU later the next day. His family was obviously very upset and distraught. I got to interact with them a little bit, but what can you say to people in this situation? I am called to be a pastor, but in times like that all you can do is pray, there are not words appropriate for that depth of sorrow and pain. In the past, I would have just let the emotions bury themselves and rationalized it by saying that is what you have to do in my line of work. There is a lot of things that I see that are sad and hard, but I am paid to be there for the people in those situations, so I have to function. This one bugged me though... I have some processing to do.
Ok, so I don't get much sleep and I go to work Monday night. We had a mother come in and deliver her baby in one of our triage rooms. This would have been a cool thing, intense, but cool if the baby had been full term. It was only 23 weeks, 3 months premature. Again to spare all the details, the baby did not survive this, despite valiant efforts from the NICU nurses and doctors. So, I haven't processed the night before and now I have this mind searing incident to process through. I will never forget the scene I walked into, never. This happened about 4:30 am and I still had 2 1/2 hours left of work. Again, I had to delay the processing of this tragedy until later.
You may be thinking, "Wow, Samuel should quit his job, that is too much!" If I leave this business, who will shine the light of Jesus in the way I am supposed to in my ER? Jesus has called me specifically to this job and provided a way for me to thrive here, despite all the hardship. So, join me in praying for the two families that experienced horrible tragedy this last weekend.
Jesus, I pray that You would bring Your peace and a strong sense of Your love to these two families. Cover them in Your Spirit and minster to them in the way only You can.
Now, most of you know that I stay up after work usually. I go to the YMCA and swim, get coffee, spend time with Jesus etc... This morning, I had arranged to hang out with Justin Wirtz (my favorite skinny 16 year old punk who hurts my back) and get coffee. We had a great time together sharing life and growing... still haven't had a lot of opportunity to process the emotional overload from the last few nights. On my way home, I am beginning to think about all this hoping to begin the process of healing, when I get a phone call that could change my life...
It was the Tacoma Fire Department asking me to continue in the hiring process. Brief overview, TFD hires every two years, if at all. 1300 people applied, 900 took a written test, 400 took a physical test that only 240 people passed. From those 240 people who passed all the elements of the testing process, I heard that 75 people got invited to interview for the job, and I think that they will hire somewhere between 20-40. You can read some of my past blogs and my thoughts from other steps in the testing process. I was asked to interview, and I have the Oral Board, as it is called, on December 19th at 9:30 am. The Oral Board consists of 4-5 ranking people within TFD and is basically you proving yourself to them in an intense fashion. They have difficult questions designed to trick you and see how much you have prepared for the interview. My job in this Oral Board is to communicate to these people, in spite of the difficulties presented to me, how well I will do in their department. This phone call is a big deal and the pendulum has now swung emotionally once again.
I now get to process 2 separate spectrums of emotions, pain & suffering : joy & anticipation.
The pendulum of life swings as the Lord wills it. In the past, I would have not thought to spend time processing all this. Now, as the Lord challenges me to be honest with myself, in every way and to do away with the facade that I put up, even to myself, I need to process this. I recognize this as a huge step in my maturity as a man, but that doesn't make it much easier.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
What are you thankful for?
We are approaching Thanksgiving, so I will join the parade of probably every other blog online and write about some things that I am thankful for.
1) Music. I have been writing more and more, challenging myself to expand my musical knowledge. I was planning on playing at the One Heart Open Mike tonight, but I am really not prepared so it will wait until after Turkey Day. Some friends and I got together and wrote a 80's inspired metal anthem about the wrong way to share the Love of Jesus. It's hilarious and if we ever record it I will post it for you to hear. I have also been listening to some cool stuff that is expanding my sonic landscape.
2) My job. I had my 90 day evaluation and I am considered a valued employee with a few areas that I am exceptional at. I wish I could work 12 hour shifts, just so that I could work the same hours with more days off. In order for me to get 40 hours a week, I have to work extra days. This usually means that I am working 7, 8 or 10 days in a row. That can wear on you after a little bit. I have some amazing friends at work and I look forward to getting there because of them. It is true that the people you work with make all the difference.
3) The Internet. We finally got wired at the house here, so it is nice to be able to myspace or blog or just keep up with e-mail. Seems silly, but my generation is so wired...
4) Church. I have a pastor who is willing to call me out when I need it. I was in the dumps the other week and he saw right through what was causing it, challenged me in it and provided the opportunity for me to grow. I am also going to be less busy at church now, which will be nice. I have had my hand in many areas, but I will be focusing on my LifeGroup now (shameless plug... life-line, Thursday's; 6:30; Mandolin Cafe).
5) Being single. It sucks, but I have not had another single life circumstance that has challenged me more, or forced me to grow as much. In the past, I thought I was ready for a relationship, yeah bring it on! I am just now starting to realize how much I had to learn and how short sighted I was. Being single, I get a unique perspective on marriage by watching the great marriages around me and seeing how people I love make it work. The Lord can bring my future wife to me (or vice versa) whenever He wants, but I don't want it a moment before then.
6) India. In case you haven't heard, I will be going to India with some men from church in January. The Lord is providing the way for me to go, and it is cool to see it coming together. I heard that Pastor Kaj was going to India in January and I ran out of excuses not to go. We are called as Christians to go, not offer excuses. I have never felt the call to foreign missions, I believe God has me in Tacoma now and for the foreseeable future, but that doesn't release me from going. I will post the whole testimony of how God is providing for this trip later, because it is cool and He deserves glory.
7) Savior. This is cliche, I know. But none of the other things I am thankful for would be possible without Him. There is a song that I love, Mighty to Save it talks about Jesus being Mighty to Save, and I realize that if He was just mediocre to save, I would be screwed. Thank You Jesus, that You are mighty and that You have saved me. Help me to grow in love and deepen my relationship with You.
Well, I am sure that there are many other things to be thankful for... I haven't even touched my family or close friends... that is later for sure.
1) Music. I have been writing more and more, challenging myself to expand my musical knowledge. I was planning on playing at the One Heart Open Mike tonight, but I am really not prepared so it will wait until after Turkey Day. Some friends and I got together and wrote a 80's inspired metal anthem about the wrong way to share the Love of Jesus. It's hilarious and if we ever record it I will post it for you to hear. I have also been listening to some cool stuff that is expanding my sonic landscape.
2) My job. I had my 90 day evaluation and I am considered a valued employee with a few areas that I am exceptional at. I wish I could work 12 hour shifts, just so that I could work the same hours with more days off. In order for me to get 40 hours a week, I have to work extra days. This usually means that I am working 7, 8 or 10 days in a row. That can wear on you after a little bit. I have some amazing friends at work and I look forward to getting there because of them. It is true that the people you work with make all the difference.
3) The Internet. We finally got wired at the house here, so it is nice to be able to myspace or blog or just keep up with e-mail. Seems silly, but my generation is so wired...
4) Church. I have a pastor who is willing to call me out when I need it. I was in the dumps the other week and he saw right through what was causing it, challenged me in it and provided the opportunity for me to grow. I am also going to be less busy at church now, which will be nice. I have had my hand in many areas, but I will be focusing on my LifeGroup now (shameless plug... life-line, Thursday's; 6:30; Mandolin Cafe).
5) Being single. It sucks, but I have not had another single life circumstance that has challenged me more, or forced me to grow as much. In the past, I thought I was ready for a relationship, yeah bring it on! I am just now starting to realize how much I had to learn and how short sighted I was. Being single, I get a unique perspective on marriage by watching the great marriages around me and seeing how people I love make it work. The Lord can bring my future wife to me (or vice versa) whenever He wants, but I don't want it a moment before then.
6) India. In case you haven't heard, I will be going to India with some men from church in January. The Lord is providing the way for me to go, and it is cool to see it coming together. I heard that Pastor Kaj was going to India in January and I ran out of excuses not to go. We are called as Christians to go, not offer excuses. I have never felt the call to foreign missions, I believe God has me in Tacoma now and for the foreseeable future, but that doesn't release me from going. I will post the whole testimony of how God is providing for this trip later, because it is cool and He deserves glory.
7) Savior. This is cliche, I know. But none of the other things I am thankful for would be possible without Him. There is a song that I love, Mighty to Save it talks about Jesus being Mighty to Save, and I realize that if He was just mediocre to save, I would be screwed. Thank You Jesus, that You are mighty and that You have saved me. Help me to grow in love and deepen my relationship with You.
Well, I am sure that there are many other things to be thankful for... I haven't even touched my family or close friends... that is later for sure.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
My Heart
There are a lot of things that I want to write about... I have found a few things out about myself lately. I seem to write that a lot here, but it is true. I also seem to only write when I have had some profound learning experience to share, but I don't mind that so much. Honestly, I am too busy to function most times. I thought that my life was full during college and I would nod knowingly when people would tell me that life just gets busier after college. I didn't think that was true... I know better now! It is a different kind of busy then college, but at any rate...
I had a wonderful experience this morning. In order to fully understand it, I need to tell about my weekend. I work every other weekend from 11 pm to 7 am with some days in the middle. This weekend was my weekend off, but as I usually do, I picked up a shift on Friday night/Saturday morning. I got off work and made my way to the church because I had a few projects to finish up for the weekend. While I was there, I met up with a handful of guys and we began a project in the sanctuary to completely redo the video projection equipment. My project was to install 2 new projectors and wire them appropriately. So, I haven't slept (I am even still in my scrubs) and all 6 of us are working our tails off. This was one of those projects that gets bigger as you start working on it. We finish just in time for Saturday night service to start, about 6 pm, a good 8 solid hours of work most of which for me involved being up on a rickety orchard ladder. At one point, the ladder began to kick out from under me, so it was lucky I grabbed one of the sprinkler pipes and held on to the ladder with my feet.
After this, I go home and was in bed by 7:30 fast asleep. I woke up at about 5 am, I knew this was going to happen, so I was ready for it. I went to Starbucks and spent time in the word and then got to PSCC early for service to fix any problems with the new system and to play on worship team. The day ended with ReWire Afterhours and me falling asleep at Nate & Cori's place while watching Indiana Jones...
Yesterday, I spent the vast majority of it asleep... either in bed or on the couch. My body was recovering from the abuse it had endured from my last few weeks of work and especially the weekend. After a long day of napping, I went to bed and woke up at 2 am this morning. I stopped kidding myself about going back to sleep and went to Bertolino's... enough back story?
I opened the Word and began to read. Something I have been challenged in is my discipline about reading the Word, so I have been getting better about spending time in Scripture. I also have been journaling more and this has borne great fruit. I find that when I started the whole journaling process, I wasn't being honest with myself and in turn I was not being honest with God. I am becoming more honest with myself... not condemning myself for having emotions, acknowledging the fact that things sometimes are not OK etc... The craziest thing happened, I began to dream... Not the practical looking to the future and speculating as to what it holds, but to dream! What would I love to do, what seems impossible but would bring me the most joy. The very presence of God was restoring my ability to dream, not just to plan the future, but to see what kind of crazy things are in store for my future. I spend a lot of time planning and strategizing things, and I am decent at it, but to dream... that is a gift from God.
I read something in "Secrets of the Secret Place" by Bob Sorge that really spoke to me. Being in the presence of God is like radiation therapy for cancer patients. I have a cancerous disease, it is called sin and being in the Lord's presence is like getting Chemo, except this is the surest therapy ever. My desire for the things of this world decreases and my desire for Him increases. He allows me to dream again. My existence has been bleak lately... same thing, different day. But to dream again... it feels good.
So, since 2 am this morning, I have been dreaming... and this is way better than sleep.
until next time I have a profound learning experience.
I had a wonderful experience this morning. In order to fully understand it, I need to tell about my weekend. I work every other weekend from 11 pm to 7 am with some days in the middle. This weekend was my weekend off, but as I usually do, I picked up a shift on Friday night/Saturday morning. I got off work and made my way to the church because I had a few projects to finish up for the weekend. While I was there, I met up with a handful of guys and we began a project in the sanctuary to completely redo the video projection equipment. My project was to install 2 new projectors and wire them appropriately. So, I haven't slept (I am even still in my scrubs) and all 6 of us are working our tails off. This was one of those projects that gets bigger as you start working on it. We finish just in time for Saturday night service to start, about 6 pm, a good 8 solid hours of work most of which for me involved being up on a rickety orchard ladder. At one point, the ladder began to kick out from under me, so it was lucky I grabbed one of the sprinkler pipes and held on to the ladder with my feet.
After this, I go home and was in bed by 7:30 fast asleep. I woke up at about 5 am, I knew this was going to happen, so I was ready for it. I went to Starbucks and spent time in the word and then got to PSCC early for service to fix any problems with the new system and to play on worship team. The day ended with ReWire Afterhours and me falling asleep at Nate & Cori's place while watching Indiana Jones...
Yesterday, I spent the vast majority of it asleep... either in bed or on the couch. My body was recovering from the abuse it had endured from my last few weeks of work and especially the weekend. After a long day of napping, I went to bed and woke up at 2 am this morning. I stopped kidding myself about going back to sleep and went to Bertolino's... enough back story?
I opened the Word and began to read. Something I have been challenged in is my discipline about reading the Word, so I have been getting better about spending time in Scripture. I also have been journaling more and this has borne great fruit. I find that when I started the whole journaling process, I wasn't being honest with myself and in turn I was not being honest with God. I am becoming more honest with myself... not condemning myself for having emotions, acknowledging the fact that things sometimes are not OK etc... The craziest thing happened, I began to dream... Not the practical looking to the future and speculating as to what it holds, but to dream! What would I love to do, what seems impossible but would bring me the most joy. The very presence of God was restoring my ability to dream, not just to plan the future, but to see what kind of crazy things are in store for my future. I spend a lot of time planning and strategizing things, and I am decent at it, but to dream... that is a gift from God.
I read something in "Secrets of the Secret Place" by Bob Sorge that really spoke to me. Being in the presence of God is like radiation therapy for cancer patients. I have a cancerous disease, it is called sin and being in the Lord's presence is like getting Chemo, except this is the surest therapy ever. My desire for the things of this world decreases and my desire for Him increases. He allows me to dream again. My existence has been bleak lately... same thing, different day. But to dream again... it feels good.
So, since 2 am this morning, I have been dreaming... and this is way better than sleep.
until next time I have a profound learning experience.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
On taking tests and passing (out)
So today I got to take the Physical Abilities Test with Tacoma Fire... I passed the test! The test consists of 9 seperate skills that you have to complete within a time limit... 7 minutes and 30 seconds... and I completed everything in 4:48. The guy running me through the test said that was a smoking time, anything under 5 is a good time. After the test, I was cooling down and all of a sudden, I just did not feel good. I got dizzy and sick to my stomach, I had to sit down and put my head between my knees. I thought it would pass, but it just would not go away. If there is a great place to feel sick and almost pass out, it would be the Tacoma Fire Department training center with a bunch of firefighters around. They sat me down and gave me some O2 and started loking at my heart rhythm and vital signs. My blood pressure was 92/74! Usually I am 130/90 so this was really low. It would not go away either! My pressure came back up a little bit, but it went down again when I stood up... long story short, I had to refuse to be transported to the hospital. We figure that it was just dehydration and I feel a lot better now.
There are other tests that I am taking in life right now... I think that I am passing them. One of the things I am thinking about is how I don't believe that God would give me good things in my life. For instance, I was scared to take this test because I was afraid to pass and advance to the next phase of the hiring process. Do I honestly believe that God will give me things to do in my life that would make me happy and bring a smile to my face. I am used to the God who is into changing me and making me different, but how can I understand the God who is into blessing me and seeing me prosper? This is different than anything I have gone through, because it requires a fudamenta change in my thinking, not just a surface level of change or rearranging.
God is good. He is also God. Do I really see Him as a person who loves me and haves my best in mind?
There are other tests that I am taking in life right now... I think that I am passing them. One of the things I am thinking about is how I don't believe that God would give me good things in my life. For instance, I was scared to take this test because I was afraid to pass and advance to the next phase of the hiring process. Do I honestly believe that God will give me things to do in my life that would make me happy and bring a smile to my face. I am used to the God who is into changing me and making me different, but how can I understand the God who is into blessing me and seeing me prosper? This is different than anything I have gone through, because it requires a fudamenta change in my thinking, not just a surface level of change or rearranging.
God is good. He is also God. Do I really see Him as a person who loves me and haves my best in mind?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
My time is not my own
I was thinking today about some things... I can't remember what they were though. I have discovered a few things though, I am good at allowing spiritual build-up to happen. I will go a few days without spending time in the word and then I wonder why I don't feel so good spiritually. It is like going a few days without food and water and then wondering why you are hungry and thirsty. I always find time to do other things, like write on my blog or finish up some projects at church, but the actual work of Christian maturity, namely prayer and devotion to Jesus gets lost in the busyness of trying to follow Him.
Those of you that know me well will recognize this as a familiar pattern in my life, being too busy following after Jesus to actually be near Him. For me in my state of life (I don't think this actually changes) I need to be committed to putting my heart in front of Him and allowing Him to have His way with me. I love all the things that I do, and for the most part, they are from the Lord, but when things get in the way, they need to move back to their correct position.
The real reason of this post is to request prayer (and give voice to my heart). I am starting a 10-11 night stretch at work without a day off. In the middle of this stretch, I have 3 church services, 2 surprise birthday parties, and a physical abilities test with Tacoma Fire. I am looking forward to all of them, but I need prayer so that my focus will remain on Jesus, and that I will get the sleep I need.
Nate and Cori have asked me to step up and be one of 2 worship leaders for ReWire. I am thrilled, for a few reasons. I think that Nate and I make a great team, musically and that we can compliment each other well. I also am excited about the vision Nate is giving to worship, I think that it will provide some much needed structure and form. There will be two teams, one team will be playing and the other team will set-up, run sound and media and over all serve the team leading worship. This will happen for 4 weeks, with the two teams alternating and then we will break for 2 weeks of acoustic worship. Another reason is the challenge Nate gave me to raise up a worship leader under me. I need to find one, a kid that God wants me to mentor into worship leading... guess I should pray about that some more. I would love it if the relationship between Nate and I developed into a musical one as well, one where we could play together more often and write together. I esteem him very highly as a musician and it seems (my perception) that he is starting to see me the same way.
Pastor Lance and I met today to talk about life, and it was very rich. I am excited about my future, yes even the near future. I feel like some of the things I have been looking forward to will be coming soon. Even walking into some of these things, I sense the 2x4 of my own expectations coming to hit me upside the head. I don't know what the near future looks like, but I am excited to see it come, even when God does things that I don't expect or anticipate... He is God after all.
I need to go spend time in the Word...
Those of you that know me well will recognize this as a familiar pattern in my life, being too busy following after Jesus to actually be near Him. For me in my state of life (I don't think this actually changes) I need to be committed to putting my heart in front of Him and allowing Him to have His way with me. I love all the things that I do, and for the most part, they are from the Lord, but when things get in the way, they need to move back to their correct position.
The real reason of this post is to request prayer (and give voice to my heart). I am starting a 10-11 night stretch at work without a day off. In the middle of this stretch, I have 3 church services, 2 surprise birthday parties, and a physical abilities test with Tacoma Fire. I am looking forward to all of them, but I need prayer so that my focus will remain on Jesus, and that I will get the sleep I need.
Nate and Cori have asked me to step up and be one of 2 worship leaders for ReWire. I am thrilled, for a few reasons. I think that Nate and I make a great team, musically and that we can compliment each other well. I also am excited about the vision Nate is giving to worship, I think that it will provide some much needed structure and form. There will be two teams, one team will be playing and the other team will set-up, run sound and media and over all serve the team leading worship. This will happen for 4 weeks, with the two teams alternating and then we will break for 2 weeks of acoustic worship. Another reason is the challenge Nate gave me to raise up a worship leader under me. I need to find one, a kid that God wants me to mentor into worship leading... guess I should pray about that some more. I would love it if the relationship between Nate and I developed into a musical one as well, one where we could play together more often and write together. I esteem him very highly as a musician and it seems (my perception) that he is starting to see me the same way.
Pastor Lance and I met today to talk about life, and it was very rich. I am excited about my future, yes even the near future. I feel like some of the things I have been looking forward to will be coming soon. Even walking into some of these things, I sense the 2x4 of my own expectations coming to hit me upside the head. I don't know what the near future looks like, but I am excited to see it come, even when God does things that I don't expect or anticipate... He is God after all.
I need to go spend time in the Word...
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Rookie
I have come to a few big revelations about myself... If life is like a house, then I have found out that my house has a crack in the foundation. I have been shoring it up with different things in order for my life to function normally, but that is no longer good enough. The Lord has put His finger on the problem and He wants to fix it.
The issue is not small. In fact in comparison to all the other work God has done in my heart, this one is deepest of all. So bear with me as I go through this journey and allow the healing that is so necessary to come and bring me some freedom. I wish that I had more time to invest in the Word, in prayer and in just being with Jesus.
My job is great, I like my work and I know that I am making a difference in peoples lives. I may not be seeing the great fruit right now, but I know that the investment will be well worth it. The people that I work with, most of them do not know Jesus so my relationship with Him is a foreign thing to the ER. I hope that they can see how I am consistent in my treatment of people and situations and see Jesus in that. I have been able to be very open about my faith with people and how I want to pastor someday, so people know where I stand. It is hard to have deep conversations with people in the ER, so my prayer is for those conversations to happen and life to be shared.
There was a person in the ER the other night that was not quite right. They began to fight with us and we were forced to restrain this patient for their safety and ours. After we had them restrained, I put my hand on their arm and started to pray in the Spirit. They looked at me with clarity and said, "I'm not ready to go." I was pretty sure where this was going, but I had to make a fool of myself more, so I asked where they were not ready to go to. They said, "I'm not ready to go to hell."
What do you say to that? I wanted so desperately to stop everything and tell them about Jesus and how He can set them free, but can I do that at work? I would love to tell you that this person accepted Christ, broke the power of addiction in their life and will be at Church this weekend, but honestly I didn't get to say another word to them before I went home that morning.
There is a world that is hurting and I want to help. Please pray for me, because in the middle of the remodel God is doing in my heart, I still have a calling and mission to accomplish at work.
The issue is not small. In fact in comparison to all the other work God has done in my heart, this one is deepest of all. So bear with me as I go through this journey and allow the healing that is so necessary to come and bring me some freedom. I wish that I had more time to invest in the Word, in prayer and in just being with Jesus.
My job is great, I like my work and I know that I am making a difference in peoples lives. I may not be seeing the great fruit right now, but I know that the investment will be well worth it. The people that I work with, most of them do not know Jesus so my relationship with Him is a foreign thing to the ER. I hope that they can see how I am consistent in my treatment of people and situations and see Jesus in that. I have been able to be very open about my faith with people and how I want to pastor someday, so people know where I stand. It is hard to have deep conversations with people in the ER, so my prayer is for those conversations to happen and life to be shared.
There was a person in the ER the other night that was not quite right. They began to fight with us and we were forced to restrain this patient for their safety and ours. After we had them restrained, I put my hand on their arm and started to pray in the Spirit. They looked at me with clarity and said, "I'm not ready to go." I was pretty sure where this was going, but I had to make a fool of myself more, so I asked where they were not ready to go to. They said, "I'm not ready to go to hell."
What do you say to that? I wanted so desperately to stop everything and tell them about Jesus and how He can set them free, but can I do that at work? I would love to tell you that this person accepted Christ, broke the power of addiction in their life and will be at Church this weekend, but honestly I didn't get to say another word to them before I went home that morning.
There is a world that is hurting and I want to help. Please pray for me, because in the middle of the remodel God is doing in my heart, I still have a calling and mission to accomplish at work.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Wow, life happens quickly...
So I need to write quickly because I have many things to do today… wow, I wasted 3.9 seconds writing that last sentence, and another 4 with this last thought… DANG IT!
I have been on a very interesting journey that last few weeks. From the high of Go Camp and the amazing things that God did there to the valley of daily going to work and being faithful to a new job. I have learned a ton about myself in the process and I have also seen the faithfulness of God in the midst of it all, even though I choose to ignore it sometimes.
Go Camp could be an entire post all to itself, but some of the highlights… We had salvations, healings, baptisms in the Holy Spirit, outreaching to a hurting community, challenges from Jesus, life direction and calling, amazing teaching and personal ministry time. God had a specific plan for my week there. One of the areas I lacked in my childhood development was a chance to be a little kid and nothing else. I was pushed to grow up by my parents and I came to take this on myself. Those of you who know me well will recognize the overachiever complex in me that stems from this, I always have to do well, be the best and rise to the top. God wanted to teach me about being a little kid so He had me in charge of all the children 5th grade and under.
I learned so much from these kids, seeing them interact and play and grow. They would just run up to me and want me to pick them up and hold them, they wanted to sit next to me, help me teach the lesson or just be near me. The Lord began to teach me about how to be a kid through this, how to run up to Him, knowing that He delights in holding me, playing with me and that He is happy with me. I taught me a lot about the things that I do, how pitiful they are in the actual value of the kingdom, but how much He values them.
Coming out of Go Camp, I started house sitting and I also started working shifts in the ER again. I enjoyed both, but it became hard as well. I worked 10 out of 11 days, half of those days were 12 hour shifts and the rest were 8 hours from 11 pm to 7 am. I am coming to the realization that I am not working at TG for the patients sake, even though that is what I am paid to do. My real reason for being there is for the staff that I get to work with and the challenge of being there for them in the midst of their life. It is a hard environment to be a Christian in, not because the people are hostile, if anything they are very accepting of my Christian faith and my personal relationship with Jesus. What is hard is the mindset that they can handle their life and that anything goes as long as it works for you. The lines between right and wrong get blurred very easily and moral relativism is the name of the game. I get to live counter to that, as a man committed to the truth and the reality that there is an absolutely right way and anything else is wrong.
I have had many wonderful conversations with people asking me what I want to do with my biology degree and I get to tell them that I want to be a pastor. “Oh…” is the response I usually get along with a shifting of eyes and I can tell that they are instantly looking at there life and seeing if it measures up. It is the Holy Spirit bringing conviction of sin, not me and I am working hard to let people know that I love them for who they are, not what they do. One nurse told me laughingly that she wasn’t going to change her ways and I told I don’t want you to! I want to love these people and let Jesus be responsible for the change in their life, not me. Please encourage and challenge me toward prayer for the people I work with.
God is growing me and challenging me toward greatness. You all know that one of my passions is a dislike of mediocrity. I don’t want my life to be mediocre and most of all I don’t want my faith to be mediocre. If my life and faith are mediocre, then my Jesus is mediocre and that is something I cannot stand for. He challenged me out of the Word today,
“Song of Solomon 2:12 'The flowers have already appeared in the land; the time has arrived for pruning the vines,”
It is about my heart and how there has been fruit growing there, but it is time for pruning so that more fruit can grow… Amen! Let us all look to our hearts and allow the Lord to prune so that more fruit can grow.
I have been on a very interesting journey that last few weeks. From the high of Go Camp and the amazing things that God did there to the valley of daily going to work and being faithful to a new job. I have learned a ton about myself in the process and I have also seen the faithfulness of God in the midst of it all, even though I choose to ignore it sometimes.
Go Camp could be an entire post all to itself, but some of the highlights… We had salvations, healings, baptisms in the Holy Spirit, outreaching to a hurting community, challenges from Jesus, life direction and calling, amazing teaching and personal ministry time. God had a specific plan for my week there. One of the areas I lacked in my childhood development was a chance to be a little kid and nothing else. I was pushed to grow up by my parents and I came to take this on myself. Those of you who know me well will recognize the overachiever complex in me that stems from this, I always have to do well, be the best and rise to the top. God wanted to teach me about being a little kid so He had me in charge of all the children 5th grade and under.
I learned so much from these kids, seeing them interact and play and grow. They would just run up to me and want me to pick them up and hold them, they wanted to sit next to me, help me teach the lesson or just be near me. The Lord began to teach me about how to be a kid through this, how to run up to Him, knowing that He delights in holding me, playing with me and that He is happy with me. I taught me a lot about the things that I do, how pitiful they are in the actual value of the kingdom, but how much He values them.
Coming out of Go Camp, I started house sitting and I also started working shifts in the ER again. I enjoyed both, but it became hard as well. I worked 10 out of 11 days, half of those days were 12 hour shifts and the rest were 8 hours from 11 pm to 7 am. I am coming to the realization that I am not working at TG for the patients sake, even though that is what I am paid to do. My real reason for being there is for the staff that I get to work with and the challenge of being there for them in the midst of their life. It is a hard environment to be a Christian in, not because the people are hostile, if anything they are very accepting of my Christian faith and my personal relationship with Jesus. What is hard is the mindset that they can handle their life and that anything goes as long as it works for you. The lines between right and wrong get blurred very easily and moral relativism is the name of the game. I get to live counter to that, as a man committed to the truth and the reality that there is an absolutely right way and anything else is wrong.
I have had many wonderful conversations with people asking me what I want to do with my biology degree and I get to tell them that I want to be a pastor. “Oh…” is the response I usually get along with a shifting of eyes and I can tell that they are instantly looking at there life and seeing if it measures up. It is the Holy Spirit bringing conviction of sin, not me and I am working hard to let people know that I love them for who they are, not what they do. One nurse told me laughingly that she wasn’t going to change her ways and I told I don’t want you to! I want to love these people and let Jesus be responsible for the change in their life, not me. Please encourage and challenge me toward prayer for the people I work with.
God is growing me and challenging me toward greatness. You all know that one of my passions is a dislike of mediocrity. I don’t want my life to be mediocre and most of all I don’t want my faith to be mediocre. If my life and faith are mediocre, then my Jesus is mediocre and that is something I cannot stand for. He challenged me out of the Word today,
“Song of Solomon 2:12 'The flowers have already appeared in the land; the time has arrived for pruning the vines,”
It is about my heart and how there has been fruit growing there, but it is time for pruning so that more fruit can grow… Amen! Let us all look to our hearts and allow the Lord to prune so that more fruit can grow.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
So much to write...
... so I'll keep this short. There is a ton going on in my life right now. All of it is good, because the hard stuff is causing me to become closer to Jesus. I have this urging to write, but I can't accurately formulate my thoughts... A lot of it has to do with me being challenged to not fake it anymore. I confess, that sometimes I have been faking it, even to close and intimate friends. I am good at writing, I think so and you are welcome to disagree, but my skill is not going to get me by any longer. Jesus is really shaking my life, you can ask me about it and I'll be happy to share, but here on this blog, words aren't going to be accurate.
I had a great experience where Jesus challenged me in a few great ways. I knew that I was going to corporate prayer in the morning and then another prayer meeting that night. I was so worried because I didn't think that I would have anything to pray. I have been used in prayer meetings to give direction and prophetic leadership before and this is a role I am comfortable in. So comfortable that it causes other people to not feel free to pray things out. I saw myself in the morning prayer with the staff and Aberdeen interns fumbling before the Lord trying to have something to pray out, trying so hard to have something good and anointed to pray for so that I can look good, even in front of people that love and know me. The Lord is causing me to despise this... I don't need to lead every prayer meeting that I am involved in, He just wants me to be there and pray. I am seeing that there is nothing wrong with just standing there and interceding, agreeing and enjoying Jesus during a prayer meeting. I also know that I am called to preach the Gospel, so in prayer, I can try to say things a certain way and I have even been known to use prayer to preach at the people in the room with me. Ouch...
In the midst of Jesus showing me where I am at, really and not me trying to put a good face on it, I am beginning to come to the realization that if all I do is blubber, cry and be completely broken and worthless in the world's eyes, then Jesus will have me where He wants me. A prayer meeting, or even a personal time of prayer, will only be as good as the person leading it. The Holy Spirit is the best leader I have ever met, so instead of me trying to lead and direct a meeting, I should just let Him do it.
I had a great experience where Jesus challenged me in a few great ways. I knew that I was going to corporate prayer in the morning and then another prayer meeting that night. I was so worried because I didn't think that I would have anything to pray. I have been used in prayer meetings to give direction and prophetic leadership before and this is a role I am comfortable in. So comfortable that it causes other people to not feel free to pray things out. I saw myself in the morning prayer with the staff and Aberdeen interns fumbling before the Lord trying to have something to pray out, trying so hard to have something good and anointed to pray for so that I can look good, even in front of people that love and know me. The Lord is causing me to despise this... I don't need to lead every prayer meeting that I am involved in, He just wants me to be there and pray. I am seeing that there is nothing wrong with just standing there and interceding, agreeing and enjoying Jesus during a prayer meeting. I also know that I am called to preach the Gospel, so in prayer, I can try to say things a certain way and I have even been known to use prayer to preach at the people in the room with me. Ouch...
In the midst of Jesus showing me where I am at, really and not me trying to put a good face on it, I am beginning to come to the realization that if all I do is blubber, cry and be completely broken and worthless in the world's eyes, then Jesus will have me where He wants me. A prayer meeting, or even a personal time of prayer, will only be as good as the person leading it. The Holy Spirit is the best leader I have ever met, so instead of me trying to lead and direct a meeting, I should just let Him do it.
Monday, July 09, 2007
The Adventure of Life
I apologize to anyone who has been trying to get a hold of me for the last week and a half. My phone has not been working, so I have had a silent phone for a bit. The silent phone is a double edged sword for sure! I have enjoyed some peace and quiet, been able to not worry about other people as much, because they can't call me, and I have come to realize how much I do use my phone daily. Another side benefit is the temporary cease fire from the endless text messages from some of my small group guys! (I do enjoy getting them, but sometimes the sheer volume of them is overwhelming) The cutting edge of this two edged sword is that I have not been able to hear back from the interview at TG I had 2 weeks ago. And I have been really bored. No one is inviting me out to do stuff anymore (because they can't get a hold of me!)
I did hear back from the Tacoma Fire Department. I got a letter saying that I passed the testing process (71 out of 80 on the test I took so 89%) and said that I was placed on a list for hiring consideration. I was ranked number 17 on that list the letter said. I know that the next step in this hiring process will be a physical agility test, but the letter did not say anything about that. The worrier in me wonders about the list I am on. Is it the list of people they decided not to invite to agilities? Is 17 the rank I got along with everyone else who scored a 89% on the test? My friend Andy got a 69/80 and ranked 24. I guess I will just wait and see what comes next. It would be a cool job to get though!
In the meantime, I have been working for a wonderful older lady who lives out on Lake Tapps. She just happens to be my Grandmother, and she and her husband Warren are remodeling their house. I have been taking on a lot of the projects in the yard for them and this has been super fun. I get to be in the yard doing yard work (which I enjoy) sometimes supervising other people (this 13 year old kid David and my brother Timothy) seeing a project to completion (always a nice feeling) and when I get super warm and tired, swimming in Lake Tapps, right off of their dock.
But for the actual important things in life, they have a way of building up. God is so good to me and I have been disciplined to spend time with Him daily, but I am starting to get unsatisfied with where I am at. No, a better way to put it is disgusted. That is how I feel. This storm sucks. I don't like it. I have no idea what to do. Do you know how hard that is for me to say? I'll say it again, "I have no idea what to do." I feel like there is no stability in my life and that there never will be. I had a wonderful word prayed over me this weekend, about how when a tool is forged, it goes in the fire, gets pulled out and is beaten for a while and then goes back into the fire. This process is repeated over and over again until the tool is complete. I am that tool that God wants to use, so that means I go into the fire, get pulled out and beaten and put back into the fire until the man God wants me to be is forged in me.
I guess when I am in the middle of the fire, or getting beaten into shape, or put back in the fire it is not fun and I really look forward to the end. Everything in my flesh screams that following God always leads to pain because I will never be good enough to serve God. Ah, now I am getting emotional about it and allowing my feelings to dictate to me. What stops me from abandoning hope is the simple fact that I love Him. I am not one to easily quit and He never quit on me.
It all comes down to trust in the end. Do I trust God, or do I trust myself? I seem to have gotten myself into the messes I am facing, and every attempt to get myself out has been like struggling against quicksand... so maybe I should trust God for it.
I did hear back from the Tacoma Fire Department. I got a letter saying that I passed the testing process (71 out of 80 on the test I took so 89%) and said that I was placed on a list for hiring consideration. I was ranked number 17 on that list the letter said. I know that the next step in this hiring process will be a physical agility test, but the letter did not say anything about that. The worrier in me wonders about the list I am on. Is it the list of people they decided not to invite to agilities? Is 17 the rank I got along with everyone else who scored a 89% on the test? My friend Andy got a 69/80 and ranked 24. I guess I will just wait and see what comes next. It would be a cool job to get though!
In the meantime, I have been working for a wonderful older lady who lives out on Lake Tapps. She just happens to be my Grandmother, and she and her husband Warren are remodeling their house. I have been taking on a lot of the projects in the yard for them and this has been super fun. I get to be in the yard doing yard work (which I enjoy) sometimes supervising other people (this 13 year old kid David and my brother Timothy) seeing a project to completion (always a nice feeling) and when I get super warm and tired, swimming in Lake Tapps, right off of their dock.
But for the actual important things in life, they have a way of building up. God is so good to me and I have been disciplined to spend time with Him daily, but I am starting to get unsatisfied with where I am at. No, a better way to put it is disgusted. That is how I feel. This storm sucks. I don't like it. I have no idea what to do. Do you know how hard that is for me to say? I'll say it again, "I have no idea what to do." I feel like there is no stability in my life and that there never will be. I had a wonderful word prayed over me this weekend, about how when a tool is forged, it goes in the fire, gets pulled out and is beaten for a while and then goes back into the fire. This process is repeated over and over again until the tool is complete. I am that tool that God wants to use, so that means I go into the fire, get pulled out and beaten and put back into the fire until the man God wants me to be is forged in me.
I guess when I am in the middle of the fire, or getting beaten into shape, or put back in the fire it is not fun and I really look forward to the end. Everything in my flesh screams that following God always leads to pain because I will never be good enough to serve God. Ah, now I am getting emotional about it and allowing my feelings to dictate to me. What stops me from abandoning hope is the simple fact that I love Him. I am not one to easily quit and He never quit on me.
It all comes down to trust in the end. Do I trust God, or do I trust myself? I seem to have gotten myself into the messes I am facing, and every attempt to get myself out has been like struggling against quicksand... so maybe I should trust God for it.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Jobs and such,
So, I love it when God takes something you did on an off-chance and turns it in to something very cool. On an off-chance, I turned in an application to the Tacoma General Emergency Room, for an Emergency Services Technician job. This is the job I had before and this job is the reason I am currently pursuing recertification as an EMT. That was the off-chance. I also applied for 4 other jobs at TG as well, most of which I was qualified for. So the only call back I received was for the ER position, the one position I don't have the proper certifications for.
I get to interview for my old job with TG Wednesday morning at 9 am. The job that I wasn't qualified for and applied for on an off-chance. I asked the lady that called to set up the appointment if I needed to have a current EMT certification and she said "technically" but that the hiring manager remembered me and how well I had done in the ER when I worked there previously and wanted me to interview.
I feel good about going in there tomorrow and interviewing because I truly feel that God has set this up. I remember when I was laid off from pressure washing, I felt so strongly that God was going to give me something equal to or greater than that job. He is in the process of providing once again, as this job is a much better wage than what I was making before and there are always hours available, especially during the summer. It was such a joy to share that with the morning prayer group at church, because we had really sought the Lord for a miracle in this situation and it always feels good to rejoice over a miracle.
A verse that I ran across the other night before bed was Psalm 37:25
As some of you know, living off of faith is not easy. It is hard not to look at the circumstances and wonder how they are going to change or the better question, when? But as David says in this Psalm, during his entire life, he had never seen the righteous (those that put God first) forsaken and their family was always taken care of. Right now, the family I provide for consists of me. I hope it expands someday, but even this small "family" of one is not to small for God to provide for in a supernatural way.
Depending on the interview tomorrow, I need to decide if I am to continue pursuing my EMT recertification. I will need to do it eventually I think, but it might be better to push it to Fall quarter when I can afford it better.
I can't wait to post tomorrow and share how the interview went and (this would be a dream come true) when I can start working there.
I get to interview for my old job with TG Wednesday morning at 9 am. The job that I wasn't qualified for and applied for on an off-chance. I asked the lady that called to set up the appointment if I needed to have a current EMT certification and she said "technically" but that the hiring manager remembered me and how well I had done in the ER when I worked there previously and wanted me to interview.
I feel good about going in there tomorrow and interviewing because I truly feel that God has set this up. I remember when I was laid off from pressure washing, I felt so strongly that God was going to give me something equal to or greater than that job. He is in the process of providing once again, as this job is a much better wage than what I was making before and there are always hours available, especially during the summer. It was such a joy to share that with the morning prayer group at church, because we had really sought the Lord for a miracle in this situation and it always feels good to rejoice over a miracle.
A verse that I ran across the other night before bed was Psalm 37:25
I once was young and now I am old
Yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
Or their children begging for bread
Yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
Or their children begging for bread
As some of you know, living off of faith is not easy. It is hard not to look at the circumstances and wonder how they are going to change or the better question, when? But as David says in this Psalm, during his entire life, he had never seen the righteous (those that put God first) forsaken and their family was always taken care of. Right now, the family I provide for consists of me. I hope it expands someday, but even this small "family" of one is not to small for God to provide for in a supernatural way.
Depending on the interview tomorrow, I need to decide if I am to continue pursuing my EMT recertification. I will need to do it eventually I think, but it might be better to push it to Fall quarter when I can afford it better.
I can't wait to post tomorrow and share how the interview went and (this would be a dream come true) when I can start working there.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Tacoma Fire
Just so you all know, I am taking the test for the City of Tacoma Fire Department this Tuesday morning. Me and about 1500 other people will be crammed into the Tacoma Dome exhibition hall taking a test. I heard that they may hire as many as 15 people from this batch so the odds may still not be good, but they are better than normal.
I got the study guide for the test and every question on the test will be from the study guide, so it will pay to study. There are 5 sections to the study guide, so 5 sections to the test; Fire Chemistry, Tools & Equipment, Homeland Security, Emergency Medical Technician and Standard Operating Procedures. Some of the material is out of date, but the test is not necessarily about firefighting knowledge... it is more about how well I can absorb and study the material and show that on a test. I am pretty excited.
Is this the big thing God has just around the corner for me? I don't know, but it would be cool. I have a feeling that there is more in store for me soon than just a job. This is the kind of application process that I would be foolish to put all my hopes in, so I applied for 5 different jobs at Tacoma General. All would meet my needs, but some would be cooler than others. I am also enrolled in the EMT class this summer at TCC so that I can potentially work in the ER again.
So, the dilemma I have, and it is not a big one, is the EMT class this summer. Because of the nature of the class and the time commitment involved, I won't be able to be staff for the Aberdeen Go Camp and be a part of their outreach to Montana. I will also have to arrange class time to miss for the Go Camp PSCC is doing this summer... All of this is doable, it is just that I would love to focus on doing fun things like Go Camps and outreach all summer, instead of taking classes again in order to get good employment. So the dilemma I have is me wanting to put all my hope in a job with TFD or at the TG in the least, so that I can bow out of the EMT class and go to Montana. This would not be wise, and thank goodness I have submitted myself under authority and I allow them to tell me things. Mark told me that I will be a lot happier after the EMT class because I put the time in and am working at a great job for me.
I will also get a chance to meet and hang out with some cool people this summer in a class like this. Most people in Emergency Services have a very specific mentality, sometimes very interesting. My story with this mentality goes hand in hand with my testimony. I was convinced that I could handle anything, I had seen things that no normal human being should experience and I was still relatively sane. I learned to trust in my own ability and began to see the world as a place where I was solely responsible for making it happen for me in my life. If things didn't go my way, I got frustrated, mad and usually hurt people around me. The typical way for me to deal with emotion involved burying it so deep within me that no one would ever see it.
I am so glad that Jesus freed me from this mentality. The healthiest thing I ever did was to allow my heart to start feeling again. Yes, there is pain and trouble, but the overwhelming joy and love from Jesus Himself far outweighs any of this. Working again in this field will be hard, I will have to learn new ways of processing emotions instead of relying on my own strength and burying them.
Jesus has a plan and until I hear otherwise from the Holy Spirit and the men I am submitted to, I am looking forward to testing with TFD, getting my EMT back and potentially working in the Hospital again.
I got the study guide for the test and every question on the test will be from the study guide, so it will pay to study. There are 5 sections to the study guide, so 5 sections to the test; Fire Chemistry, Tools & Equipment, Homeland Security, Emergency Medical Technician and Standard Operating Procedures. Some of the material is out of date, but the test is not necessarily about firefighting knowledge... it is more about how well I can absorb and study the material and show that on a test. I am pretty excited.
Is this the big thing God has just around the corner for me? I don't know, but it would be cool. I have a feeling that there is more in store for me soon than just a job. This is the kind of application process that I would be foolish to put all my hopes in, so I applied for 5 different jobs at Tacoma General. All would meet my needs, but some would be cooler than others. I am also enrolled in the EMT class this summer at TCC so that I can potentially work in the ER again.
So, the dilemma I have, and it is not a big one, is the EMT class this summer. Because of the nature of the class and the time commitment involved, I won't be able to be staff for the Aberdeen Go Camp and be a part of their outreach to Montana. I will also have to arrange class time to miss for the Go Camp PSCC is doing this summer... All of this is doable, it is just that I would love to focus on doing fun things like Go Camps and outreach all summer, instead of taking classes again in order to get good employment. So the dilemma I have is me wanting to put all my hope in a job with TFD or at the TG in the least, so that I can bow out of the EMT class and go to Montana. This would not be wise, and thank goodness I have submitted myself under authority and I allow them to tell me things. Mark told me that I will be a lot happier after the EMT class because I put the time in and am working at a great job for me.
I will also get a chance to meet and hang out with some cool people this summer in a class like this. Most people in Emergency Services have a very specific mentality, sometimes very interesting. My story with this mentality goes hand in hand with my testimony. I was convinced that I could handle anything, I had seen things that no normal human being should experience and I was still relatively sane. I learned to trust in my own ability and began to see the world as a place where I was solely responsible for making it happen for me in my life. If things didn't go my way, I got frustrated, mad and usually hurt people around me. The typical way for me to deal with emotion involved burying it so deep within me that no one would ever see it.
I am so glad that Jesus freed me from this mentality. The healthiest thing I ever did was to allow my heart to start feeling again. Yes, there is pain and trouble, but the overwhelming joy and love from Jesus Himself far outweighs any of this. Working again in this field will be hard, I will have to learn new ways of processing emotions instead of relying on my own strength and burying them.
Jesus has a plan and until I hear otherwise from the Holy Spirit and the men I am submitted to, I am looking forward to testing with TFD, getting my EMT back and potentially working in the Hospital again.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Walking on Water
So it has been over a month since I last posted on here. Sorry... Needless to say, a lot has happened in a month. This leads me right to the question, "What have I been doing for the last month?"
I have had friends leave, mostly good and a few bad.
I have worked jobs and am now unemployed.
I have moved into a new house and now it is infested with ants.
I have started riding a bike because gas is so expensive.
I have been writing songs and sometimes singing them.
I have come to realize that life really is a choice.
Isn't it funny how we pray sometimes and ask the Lord for things, and we are thunderstruck when he actually does what we asked? I remember specifically asking the Lord to bring to a place of Faith where if I don't hear correctly from Him, then I will not make it. Isn't it funny how He answers prayer. Now I find myself unemployed, and not sure what to make of life. If you want the whole story of my job woes, you can call me... it doesn't seem right to post it all here. I have rent, student loans, credit cards, medical bills from last falls neck injury and it seems like a thousand other little expenses. I know that the Lord is asking me to be faithful in my finances, AMEN!!! I love tithing and giving to the Lord, the only hindrance has been my laziness. But in this season of unemployment, this feels a bit different.
If we look at the story of Peter walking on water in Matthew 14:25-32 I think that is kind of where I am at right now. In the middle of a storm, in the middle of the night (in the midst of all my problems) Jesus is walking toward me.
I imagine the scene was something to behold, 12 guys straining at oars trying to keep a boat afloat and make it to the other side. All of a sudden, they see this guy walking on water toward them. All the other guys in the boat were saying things like...
"Dude, I think that's Jesus!"
"Yeah, it kind of looks like Him."
"Wait, how is He walking on water?"
"It must be His ghost!"
But not Peter. Peter may have doubted that it was Jesus, so he tries to convince his buddies that it is not Jesus, "Lord, if it's You, tell me to come out there." Peter didn't think that this God of Love would tell him to get out of a boat in the middle of a storm in the middle of the night and risk his life. Of course it was Jesus, so Peter ends up having to leave the boat and walk (on water) towards Jesus. Peter was wrong, this God of Love did call him to risk his life and step out of the boat and watch as He blew away his expectations of who God is.
The miracle here would have been for Peter to survive swimming in the lake in the middle of the night, in the middle of the storm. I think that was what Peter was expecting to do, to swim out to Jesus trusting that the Son of God wouldn't let him drown. That was probably a big step for Peter, trusting that God wouldn't fail him, but Peter still wanted God to meet him in his own strength. Peter was a good swimmer, he had been raised on the water and made his living as a fisherman, so swimming was second only to walking. By swimming, Peter is compromising a little, God can use me, as long as he uses my strengths. Peter probably could have made it to Jesus by swimming, strong fisherman that he was, but that is not what Jesus wanted. So in the middle of the night, in the middle of the storm, Peter finds himself walking on water, something that he never could have dreamed of.
I think that Jesus illustrates how when we step out of our boat, we shouldn't be surprised when the miracle we get turns out to be different than the one we were looking for. Peter thought that he was going to swim and meet Jesus, using his strength and God's help. All of a sudden, he is walking on water going toward the one "who treads upon the waves of the sea" (Job 9:8) What a difference, relying on God's strength and not our own.
After all this, to apply it to my situation... I am facing a storm. I love what one of the commentaries that I read said about this passage
"Though the wind was contrary, and they were tossed with waves, yet being ordered by their Master to the other side, they did not tack about and come back again, but made the best of their way forward. Note, Though troubles and difficulties may disturb us in our duty, they must not drive us from it; but through the midst of them we must press forwards."
The disciples had been directed by Jesus to go out into the lake, and they had even been given a direction, but then they ran into a storm. God told me and directed me to work in the jobs that I had, and now I find myself without them. I am not questioning God, I am looking forward to what He is going to do to replace them. God gives and takes away. AMEN!!!
I have a funny feeling that there is something that God is freeing me up to be able to do here shortly. I have no idea what it is and every time I try to speculate, I get the Holy Spirit telling me not to try and guess. So here I am, at that place of faith where if I don't hear and follow God correctly, I may drown... no matter how strong a swimmer I am.
I have had friends leave, mostly good and a few bad.
I have worked jobs and am now unemployed.
I have moved into a new house and now it is infested with ants.
I have started riding a bike because gas is so expensive.
I have been writing songs and sometimes singing them.
I have come to realize that life really is a choice.
Isn't it funny how we pray sometimes and ask the Lord for things, and we are thunderstruck when he actually does what we asked? I remember specifically asking the Lord to bring to a place of Faith where if I don't hear correctly from Him, then I will not make it. Isn't it funny how He answers prayer. Now I find myself unemployed, and not sure what to make of life. If you want the whole story of my job woes, you can call me... it doesn't seem right to post it all here. I have rent, student loans, credit cards, medical bills from last falls neck injury and it seems like a thousand other little expenses. I know that the Lord is asking me to be faithful in my finances, AMEN!!! I love tithing and giving to the Lord, the only hindrance has been my laziness. But in this season of unemployment, this feels a bit different.
If we look at the story of Peter walking on water in Matthew 14:25-32 I think that is kind of where I am at right now. In the middle of a storm, in the middle of the night (in the midst of all my problems) Jesus is walking toward me.
I imagine the scene was something to behold, 12 guys straining at oars trying to keep a boat afloat and make it to the other side. All of a sudden, they see this guy walking on water toward them. All the other guys in the boat were saying things like...
"Dude, I think that's Jesus!"
"Yeah, it kind of looks like Him."
"Wait, how is He walking on water?"
"It must be His ghost!"
But not Peter. Peter may have doubted that it was Jesus, so he tries to convince his buddies that it is not Jesus, "Lord, if it's You, tell me to come out there." Peter didn't think that this God of Love would tell him to get out of a boat in the middle of a storm in the middle of the night and risk his life. Of course it was Jesus, so Peter ends up having to leave the boat and walk (on water) towards Jesus. Peter was wrong, this God of Love did call him to risk his life and step out of the boat and watch as He blew away his expectations of who God is.
The miracle here would have been for Peter to survive swimming in the lake in the middle of the night, in the middle of the storm. I think that was what Peter was expecting to do, to swim out to Jesus trusting that the Son of God wouldn't let him drown. That was probably a big step for Peter, trusting that God wouldn't fail him, but Peter still wanted God to meet him in his own strength. Peter was a good swimmer, he had been raised on the water and made his living as a fisherman, so swimming was second only to walking. By swimming, Peter is compromising a little, God can use me, as long as he uses my strengths. Peter probably could have made it to Jesus by swimming, strong fisherman that he was, but that is not what Jesus wanted. So in the middle of the night, in the middle of the storm, Peter finds himself walking on water, something that he never could have dreamed of.
I think that Jesus illustrates how when we step out of our boat, we shouldn't be surprised when the miracle we get turns out to be different than the one we were looking for. Peter thought that he was going to swim and meet Jesus, using his strength and God's help. All of a sudden, he is walking on water going toward the one "who treads upon the waves of the sea" (Job 9:8) What a difference, relying on God's strength and not our own.
After all this, to apply it to my situation... I am facing a storm. I love what one of the commentaries that I read said about this passage
"Though the wind was contrary, and they were tossed with waves, yet being ordered by their Master to the other side, they did not tack about and come back again, but made the best of their way forward. Note, Though troubles and difficulties may disturb us in our duty, they must not drive us from it; but through the midst of them we must press forwards."
The disciples had been directed by Jesus to go out into the lake, and they had even been given a direction, but then they ran into a storm. God told me and directed me to work in the jobs that I had, and now I find myself without them. I am not questioning God, I am looking forward to what He is going to do to replace them. God gives and takes away. AMEN!!!
I have a funny feeling that there is something that God is freeing me up to be able to do here shortly. I have no idea what it is and every time I try to speculate, I get the Holy Spirit telling me not to try and guess. So here I am, at that place of faith where if I don't hear and follow God correctly, I may drown... no matter how strong a swimmer I am.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
On Softball and other things...
Before I forget, the PSCC Men's Softball team is in first place of the Gold church league. This is the highest league we can play in and we are more than just getting by in this league. It is so much fun to compete again, and the guys on the team are phenomenal men!
Long story, but last night at our game, Wes and I were warming up and Wes threw a ball that went right over my head. I turned and trotted after it, not realizing that my truck key, which had broken off of my key chain a week ago and has yet to be fixed, fell out of my warm up coat pocket. I am completely oblivious to this development, and the game starts and we won because of the 12 run lead mercy rule in the 5th inning. I am walking to my truck to go home to my new place (SHWB) and I realize I don't have a key for my truck... It is now 9:30 at night and I am stuck without a key. Anto and Jenae had come to the game and they helped me go and look for my key out on the field, but it was dark and the attendant had to turn the lights off. Next bright idea was to break into my truck (it can be done, but I won't tell you how) and see if I could use another Ford key to get the ignition lock undone to start the engine and drive home! Not happening, all we ended up with was a truck with the alarm going off and my realization that being a car thief is not my strong suit. Anto and Jenae drove me home and I got a ride to the field this morning from Warren, and I was able (after about an hour of looking) to find my little key in a large field of grass.
All that to say, I get to share a devotional time next week after our softball game and I am pretty sure what I am going to share on... The requirement that we have for devotional is that it needs to come from the book of Proverbs. I love how Proverbs is always talking about wisdom, and how we are to search for it. Kind of like searching for a missing key to a truck. Sometimes, you need some friends to help you find it and you might not see it right away and may have to come back the next day to look some more.
Right on... if you want to come out and support the 1st place PSCC Men's Softball Team, we play at the SERA fields (right behind PSCC) at 6 pm. Come prepared to cheer and chant and hoot and holler and everything else a rabid fan does.
As mentioned above, I am now moved in to the South Side Home for Wayward Boys (SHWB). Warren Angus and I are the founding members and if you want to donate to the cause we are accepting beds, dressers, garbage cans, couches, chairs, TV stands, new carpet, pots and pans among other things. You can get the full list by calling me or visiting us sometime (762 99th St S, Turn onto 99 off of Park and second house on the left is ours) The place needs a lot of work, which is why I like it. There are plenty of projects to keep Warren and me busy (maybe even cheapen the rent a little as we trade work for rent!) I will be throwing a housewarming party here, maybe next weekend (I need some time to clean up the house and yard), stay tuned for details...
I promise to post more often now.
Long story, but last night at our game, Wes and I were warming up and Wes threw a ball that went right over my head. I turned and trotted after it, not realizing that my truck key, which had broken off of my key chain a week ago and has yet to be fixed, fell out of my warm up coat pocket. I am completely oblivious to this development, and the game starts and we won because of the 12 run lead mercy rule in the 5th inning. I am walking to my truck to go home to my new place (SHWB) and I realize I don't have a key for my truck... It is now 9:30 at night and I am stuck without a key. Anto and Jenae had come to the game and they helped me go and look for my key out on the field, but it was dark and the attendant had to turn the lights off. Next bright idea was to break into my truck (it can be done, but I won't tell you how) and see if I could use another Ford key to get the ignition lock undone to start the engine and drive home! Not happening, all we ended up with was a truck with the alarm going off and my realization that being a car thief is not my strong suit. Anto and Jenae drove me home and I got a ride to the field this morning from Warren, and I was able (after about an hour of looking) to find my little key in a large field of grass.
All that to say, I get to share a devotional time next week after our softball game and I am pretty sure what I am going to share on... The requirement that we have for devotional is that it needs to come from the book of Proverbs. I love how Proverbs is always talking about wisdom, and how we are to search for it. Kind of like searching for a missing key to a truck. Sometimes, you need some friends to help you find it and you might not see it right away and may have to come back the next day to look some more.
Right on... if you want to come out and support the 1st place PSCC Men's Softball Team, we play at the SERA fields (right behind PSCC) at 6 pm. Come prepared to cheer and chant and hoot and holler and everything else a rabid fan does.
As mentioned above, I am now moved in to the South Side Home for Wayward Boys (SHWB). Warren Angus and I are the founding members and if you want to donate to the cause we are accepting beds, dressers, garbage cans, couches, chairs, TV stands, new carpet, pots and pans among other things. You can get the full list by calling me or visiting us sometime (762 99th St S, Turn onto 99 off of Park and second house on the left is ours) The place needs a lot of work, which is why I like it. There are plenty of projects to keep Warren and me busy (maybe even cheapen the rent a little as we trade work for rent!) I will be throwing a housewarming party here, maybe next weekend (I need some time to clean up the house and yard), stay tuned for details...
I promise to post more often now.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
SHWB
It has been almost a month since I posted on here... wow, sorry about that! I know that I talk with most of my readers in person and I really value those conversations, but there is something abot blogging that is wonderful for the heart and soul.
Quick update on life, I am not in collections by the Grace of God and I have a wonderful job. I will be moving into and founding the Southside Home for Wayward Boys (SHWB), probably on April 18th... the house is on 99th and Yakima (very close to PLU) and yes, I will host another renowned get together for all of you to help me christen the house! It will be a load of fun. I will be living with Warren Angus and Jason Dupea, so the interesting times will abound, and I look forward to all of them!
Last weekend really brought some great things to light in my heart... I am very good at performing. I spent more time focusing on details and little things about the Ressurection Weekend that I missed opportunities to worship my Savior and enjoy His presence. I missed out, and that is painful, but God is good and He knows how to restore all things to a right place. He has been challenging me to worship Him without thinking about leading worship and to really pour out myself before Him. I want my worship to be like the sinful woman who annointed the feet of Jesus and really ministered to Him. She was able to bless Him because of her extreme level of brokennes and a willingness to pour out her most expensive posession (herself really) before Him. "In light of His great mercy, I urge you to offer yourselves to God as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him" Romans 12:1 (paraphrased)
I also realized how cool you all really are! I mean, you have not really drifted away from me and we are all still friends. Thanks for being faithful to me and enduring all the changing that was going on inside me.
Anto Marin and I have been getting together to write songs, which has been very fruitful for both of us. I remember when we went to Aberdeen on an Ignite retreat and Jenae would talk to him on the phone, little did I know that we would be friends soon enough... maybe if you are lucky and ask, I will play some of them for you. We are still in the writing stage, but eventually we will get to making a demo and maybe even playing live... wouldn't that be a hoot.
right on... I will see you all later!
Quick update on life, I am not in collections by the Grace of God and I have a wonderful job. I will be moving into and founding the Southside Home for Wayward Boys (SHWB), probably on April 18th... the house is on 99th and Yakima (very close to PLU) and yes, I will host another renowned get together for all of you to help me christen the house! It will be a load of fun. I will be living with Warren Angus and Jason Dupea, so the interesting times will abound, and I look forward to all of them!
Last weekend really brought some great things to light in my heart... I am very good at performing. I spent more time focusing on details and little things about the Ressurection Weekend that I missed opportunities to worship my Savior and enjoy His presence. I missed out, and that is painful, but God is good and He knows how to restore all things to a right place. He has been challenging me to worship Him without thinking about leading worship and to really pour out myself before Him. I want my worship to be like the sinful woman who annointed the feet of Jesus and really ministered to Him. She was able to bless Him because of her extreme level of brokennes and a willingness to pour out her most expensive posession (herself really) before Him. "In light of His great mercy, I urge you to offer yourselves to God as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him" Romans 12:1 (paraphrased)
I also realized how cool you all really are! I mean, you have not really drifted away from me and we are all still friends. Thanks for being faithful to me and enduring all the changing that was going on inside me.
Anto Marin and I have been getting together to write songs, which has been very fruitful for both of us. I remember when we went to Aberdeen on an Ignite retreat and Jenae would talk to him on the phone, little did I know that we would be friends soon enough... maybe if you are lucky and ask, I will play some of them for you. We are still in the writing stage, but eventually we will get to making a demo and maybe even playing live... wouldn't that be a hoot.
right on... I will see you all later!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Money (say it moan-ey)
I love dealing with my finances... it always brings me some great joy and pleasure. In a sense I am not being facetious about that. I am in such desperate need of God to touch my financial life, and He is!!! I have work to do, but God has sustained me this far! I got to talk with my Mom today about some of this stuff and she expressed her worry about me because of me, "being under a huge rock and burden" because of my finances. Being able to tell her that my God is bigger than any financial burden was so cool!
I have had to humble myself, admit I don't know what I am doing (and for those of you who know me well, you know that this is not easy for me to do!) and actively look for guidance and counsel that will get me some good solutions. God is really coming through. Wait... lets think about this for a second. HE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH!!!
Today is a big day for me. I have two interviews today. My first one was this morning. It was at the Fred Meyer store in Sumner and after only 15 minutes of meeting with me, the manager offered me the job as a cashier in the store. I told her that I would get back to her by Wednesday and tell her if this would work for me or not. The job would pay $9.37/ hour and is guranteed for 20 hours per week. Tonight, I interview at the Forza coffee shop on Steele St. near PLU. This job would be a little better fit for me I think, as I am planning on moving into Tacoma soon. If that store can build a good customer base and begin to attract PLU students and the like, I can see myself making a good deal more at Forza than at Fred Meyer. Or maybe I can work both jobs. Both would be part time so between the two, I could have full time employment, with a third job essentially at PSCC...
After all this time by myself, I am beginning to exit the time of introspection and un-employment and I am embarking on the adventure of life after college for real. I am excited about it. I know that I have a guranteed job in Sumner, but I won't be living in Sumner any longer than I have to.
My Grandpa comes back from Yuma, AZ on April 12th, so I believe it is wise to move out of his place before then... I have been talking to the Dupea family about what moving into their rental house would look like and I am excited about the prospects. Mark Wolbert has already named the house, "The Southside Home for Wayward Boys" I love that name, it has a nice ring to it, don't you think? I would be moving in with Jason Dupea and Warren Angus for sure, and Warren has a few friends that might be interested in moving in as well. Between the three of us, I know it would be quite the mix of people and I know that God would stretch me a ton!
Once again my life is changing, but this time I am open and looking forward to the change. I have enjoyed this last period of time, but it is time to move on as well. I will always remember the lessons God has taught me during this time, and you all know that I am a different person than I was when I was at PLU... that won't change. My life will look different next week. It excites me!
Completely off subject, but I am beginning to become addicted to an author, Ted Dekker. You should check him out. He is a Christian suspense/thriller writer and it is hard to put his books down.
I have had to humble myself, admit I don't know what I am doing (and for those of you who know me well, you know that this is not easy for me to do!) and actively look for guidance and counsel that will get me some good solutions. God is really coming through. Wait... lets think about this for a second. HE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH!!!
Today is a big day for me. I have two interviews today. My first one was this morning. It was at the Fred Meyer store in Sumner and after only 15 minutes of meeting with me, the manager offered me the job as a cashier in the store. I told her that I would get back to her by Wednesday and tell her if this would work for me or not. The job would pay $9.37/ hour and is guranteed for 20 hours per week. Tonight, I interview at the Forza coffee shop on Steele St. near PLU. This job would be a little better fit for me I think, as I am planning on moving into Tacoma soon. If that store can build a good customer base and begin to attract PLU students and the like, I can see myself making a good deal more at Forza than at Fred Meyer. Or maybe I can work both jobs. Both would be part time so between the two, I could have full time employment, with a third job essentially at PSCC...
After all this time by myself, I am beginning to exit the time of introspection and un-employment and I am embarking on the adventure of life after college for real. I am excited about it. I know that I have a guranteed job in Sumner, but I won't be living in Sumner any longer than I have to.
My Grandpa comes back from Yuma, AZ on April 12th, so I believe it is wise to move out of his place before then... I have been talking to the Dupea family about what moving into their rental house would look like and I am excited about the prospects. Mark Wolbert has already named the house, "The Southside Home for Wayward Boys" I love that name, it has a nice ring to it, don't you think? I would be moving in with Jason Dupea and Warren Angus for sure, and Warren has a few friends that might be interested in moving in as well. Between the three of us, I know it would be quite the mix of people and I know that God would stretch me a ton!
Once again my life is changing, but this time I am open and looking forward to the change. I have enjoyed this last period of time, but it is time to move on as well. I will always remember the lessons God has taught me during this time, and you all know that I am a different person than I was when I was at PLU... that won't change. My life will look different next week. It excites me!
Completely off subject, but I am beginning to become addicted to an author, Ted Dekker. You should check him out. He is a Christian suspense/thriller writer and it is hard to put his books down.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
New Music
With all this free time I have been having, I have also been writing and playing music more and more. I LOVE IT!!!
Anto has been sending me some of his stuff to look over and play along with so that we can go and make some demos when he gets back from Spain next week. It is really cool!!! Anto is a great song writer, especially since English is his second language, and the themes of his songs are so good and true. I look forward to collaborating with him more in the future and writing stuff.
On another related note, my Dad has been sending me all this wonderful audio production stuff. He is really helping me to fill in some empty holes in my knowledge of audio and production in general. When I was helping Harrison with his school project, my Dad came and listened to it and was able to really give me some amazing pointers and in fact, he saved the project and made it sound good!!! It was so cool to have him come and teach me the stuff instead of just watching him do it. A really cool facet of our relationship has opened up because I have started doing some of this stuff, we now have another thing in common that we really didn't share before.
On less related notes... I have an interview with Fred Meyer in Sumner this Monday for a checkstand position. I have heard rave reviews from people who have worked there in the past (Cori Boyt) and I have lots of experience with the checkstand. I don't know if I will be taking this job because I am hoping to move to Tacoma within the next couple of weeks. Maybe I could talk to them about submitting my application to another Fred Meyer store in the Tacoma area... I am also applying at Starbucks, the question is which ones should I apply at? Oh well.
Life is good! I had a great time this weekend with a lot of the ReWire guys. They came over to my house and we did stupid guy stuff. If you are male you understand and if you are female, you don't want to know anyways. Some of it was caught on camera and the footage, while poor, is funny in places... or maybe it was 5 am when we watched it?!!?!? Not to sure right now.
I probable should write about my new responsibilities at church. While they are small, I love having them. It is nice to be tasked with something and asked to run with it. More on that later though...
Anto has been sending me some of his stuff to look over and play along with so that we can go and make some demos when he gets back from Spain next week. It is really cool!!! Anto is a great song writer, especially since English is his second language, and the themes of his songs are so good and true. I look forward to collaborating with him more in the future and writing stuff.
On another related note, my Dad has been sending me all this wonderful audio production stuff. He is really helping me to fill in some empty holes in my knowledge of audio and production in general. When I was helping Harrison with his school project, my Dad came and listened to it and was able to really give me some amazing pointers and in fact, he saved the project and made it sound good!!! It was so cool to have him come and teach me the stuff instead of just watching him do it. A really cool facet of our relationship has opened up because I have started doing some of this stuff, we now have another thing in common that we really didn't share before.
On less related notes... I have an interview with Fred Meyer in Sumner this Monday for a checkstand position. I have heard rave reviews from people who have worked there in the past (Cori Boyt) and I have lots of experience with the checkstand. I don't know if I will be taking this job because I am hoping to move to Tacoma within the next couple of weeks. Maybe I could talk to them about submitting my application to another Fred Meyer store in the Tacoma area... I am also applying at Starbucks, the question is which ones should I apply at? Oh well.
Life is good! I had a great time this weekend with a lot of the ReWire guys. They came over to my house and we did stupid guy stuff. If you are male you understand and if you are female, you don't want to know anyways. Some of it was caught on camera and the footage, while poor, is funny in places... or maybe it was 5 am when we watched it?!!?!? Not to sure right now.
I probable should write about my new responsibilities at church. While they are small, I love having them. It is nice to be tasked with something and asked to run with it. More on that later though...
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The joy and curse of free time.
I have been really grateful for the amount of free time that I have had lately... For the most part, it has been really good for me. I don't have internet or TV at my house, so many tempting distractions are not present. I have myself. Not much else. Just me, my Bible, a guitar and Jesus. Oh, sure, I will do other things, like go into Tacoma and goof off at Church, but for the most part, I am getting comfortable with being alone.
Here is the scary part. It is really good for me to be alone!
So much of the things I do are motivated out of a fear of being alone and not having people around me. This is weird, because for most of my life, I prided myself on not needing anyone else to help me...
I am realizing woundings and areas of my heart that need a touch from God and I am getting better at allowing Him in there to do the work He needs to. I am not seeing much obvious fruit from some of this, but I know that my heart is in a much better place now than it has ever been. I have more joy and peace. I stress out about stuff less and it is much easier to enjoy the presence of the Lord than it has been in quite a while.
I have also been writing songs. If you are lucky, I may share them with you, but I may keep a lid on them for a little bit and let the song seep into my spirit (also to let me perfect the songs a bit). Sometimes, a good thing can be ruined by sharing it too early with other people. Anto and I have begun the process of collaboration and I am really enjoying working with him. I just wish that I could go to Spain with him this weekend! Maybe I will go there with Janae and him in May. I need to get a Passport!!!
The curse of free time is that it means I still don't have a job. I am in the process of testing for the Pierce County Sheriff's Department, but if I had my way, I would magically be made a Paramedic and hit the streets tomorrow. I will know if I get a job with PCSD well before I finish my EMT recertification class, so I am presented with a choice. If I get offered a job with PCSD, do I take it or hold out for a possible chance at Mary Bridge and eventually (hopefully) a paramedic's job. I would start with PCSD at 22+ an hour ($50,000) a year!!! Dinner would be on me if I got a job like that!!!
I love my free time due to no job, but I would like to take this season of loan defferment and build a financial base for my future... get out of debt... save up some money for a rainy day... save up for the toys I want (Taylor, MacBook Pro, house eventually, trip to Spain...)
Oh, the pressures of life... Just Kidding! I still have a roof over my head, food in my belly (at this moment too much), gas in my truck, some money in the bank, my health, great friends, close confidants, parents who love me (may not understand me but they do love me!), a hope and a future and most importantly, a God who sees me as His beloved son... what more could a guy want!!!
Shout out to Joy for her new page! Keep up the good work and frequent posts!
Here is the scary part. It is really good for me to be alone!
So much of the things I do are motivated out of a fear of being alone and not having people around me. This is weird, because for most of my life, I prided myself on not needing anyone else to help me...
I am realizing woundings and areas of my heart that need a touch from God and I am getting better at allowing Him in there to do the work He needs to. I am not seeing much obvious fruit from some of this, but I know that my heart is in a much better place now than it has ever been. I have more joy and peace. I stress out about stuff less and it is much easier to enjoy the presence of the Lord than it has been in quite a while.
I have also been writing songs. If you are lucky, I may share them with you, but I may keep a lid on them for a little bit and let the song seep into my spirit (also to let me perfect the songs a bit). Sometimes, a good thing can be ruined by sharing it too early with other people. Anto and I have begun the process of collaboration and I am really enjoying working with him. I just wish that I could go to Spain with him this weekend! Maybe I will go there with Janae and him in May. I need to get a Passport!!!
The curse of free time is that it means I still don't have a job. I am in the process of testing for the Pierce County Sheriff's Department, but if I had my way, I would magically be made a Paramedic and hit the streets tomorrow. I will know if I get a job with PCSD well before I finish my EMT recertification class, so I am presented with a choice. If I get offered a job with PCSD, do I take it or hold out for a possible chance at Mary Bridge and eventually (hopefully) a paramedic's job. I would start with PCSD at 22+ an hour ($50,000) a year!!! Dinner would be on me if I got a job like that!!!
I love my free time due to no job, but I would like to take this season of loan defferment and build a financial base for my future... get out of debt... save up some money for a rainy day... save up for the toys I want (Taylor, MacBook Pro, house eventually, trip to Spain...)
Oh, the pressures of life... Just Kidding! I still have a roof over my head, food in my belly (at this moment too much), gas in my truck, some money in the bank, my health, great friends, close confidants, parents who love me (may not understand me but they do love me!), a hope and a future and most importantly, a God who sees me as His beloved son... what more could a guy want!!!
Shout out to Joy for her new page! Keep up the good work and frequent posts!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Great Books
One of the benefits of living by myself and having a much reduced schedule is that I get to read more and do other things that I used to love doing, like sit around and be lazy!!! Oh well...
I recomend "The Normal Christian Worker" by Watchman Nee. I just finished it... it is a great account of what a servant of God should be like, how they should be tempered and how they should respond to dfferent challenges and situations, from scripture. Great read, it has really taught me a lot of what it will take to be a pastor and the attitudes that I should have toward my self, the church and my role within the church.
The other bok that I am reading right now is a book by John Eldridge, "The Way of the Wild Heart" It is a sequal of sorts to "Wild at Heart" and it really tackles some of he deepest roots in a mans heart... great read and I will tell you all more about it as I read more of it.
I recomend "The Normal Christian Worker" by Watchman Nee. I just finished it... it is a great account of what a servant of God should be like, how they should be tempered and how they should respond to dfferent challenges and situations, from scripture. Great read, it has really taught me a lot of what it will take to be a pastor and the attitudes that I should have toward my self, the church and my role within the church.
The other bok that I am reading right now is a book by John Eldridge, "The Way of the Wild Heart" It is a sequal of sorts to "Wild at Heart" and it really tackles some of he deepest roots in a mans heart... great read and I will tell you all more about it as I read more of it.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Health
Well... isn't it funny how sometimes you don't realize something is bad for you until it is gone? That has been the story of my life the past few days, pushing almost a week now. PLU will always be a high point of my life, but it won't be THE high point of my life. I realized that there were some things at PLU that were in my life and were causing me to make unhealthy choices. Now that I am away from PLU and some space has been allowed into my life and some relationships, I can honestly look back and begin to make changes. I know that I have talked to most of you who read this in person, but I want to put it down in words for real.
What started off this whole journey back to health was the realization of how much I try and do or how hard I will work to be comfortable. Most of my relationships bring me a measure of comfort, so to change most of them in the space of one weekend (me moving to Sumner) was hard to do. I have had to challenge myself to find my comfort in the Lord, and in Him alone.
This verse has really been speaking to me... lots. All about how discomfort is always a gain for someone. In my particular case, the gain will be for me; I will get more out of this season of discomfort than many other seasons of my life. Discomfort always leads to comfort, because God is a merciful and loving Father who delights in His childdren and will never give them more than they can handle. I know this, but sometimes it is hard to accept.
Another facet of my heart that the Lord is unlocking right now is my hope for the future. When you are in my position, you get the priveledge of hearing people say things like, "Wow, you will look back on this in five years and laugh" or my all time favorite, "You have such a great calling and annointing to do _____!" Me in my impatience would usually smile politely and then vent to the nearest available person who understood (Emily Hockert, who is a miracle worker). What the Lord has been showing me is that I am not to despise the hope set before me.
Jesus only did what He did here on earth so that He could enjoy an eternity with us, His bride. When I look at the discomfort around me, I don't need to complain and tell anyone who will listen that it is not fair. I don't need to go looking for things that indicate that people are against me and then show them off like I am proud of them. I can choose my attitude, even in this. I will do what I have always done with spiritual things, run.
I will run right at it. I know that God has big, no huge things in store for me, and if a little discomfort and a lot of growing is what it takes to walk in those things eventually... I will run right at it and endure, fixing my eyes on Jesus and waiting for the promises that God has given me to come about, not by my doing, but allowing Him to do it in His perfect time.
So, my prayer for myself is simple... I want to know Your love and comfort, I want to experience it at my deepest core and allow this life changing knowledge to complete me in ways I never knew were possible.
Once that happens, I won't even be able to think about comfort... it will just be.
What started off this whole journey back to health was the realization of how much I try and do or how hard I will work to be comfortable. Most of my relationships bring me a measure of comfort, so to change most of them in the space of one weekend (me moving to Sumner) was hard to do. I have had to challenge myself to find my comfort in the Lord, and in Him alone.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.
This verse has really been speaking to me... lots. All about how discomfort is always a gain for someone. In my particular case, the gain will be for me; I will get more out of this season of discomfort than many other seasons of my life. Discomfort always leads to comfort, because God is a merciful and loving Father who delights in His childdren and will never give them more than they can handle. I know this, but sometimes it is hard to accept.
Another facet of my heart that the Lord is unlocking right now is my hope for the future. When you are in my position, you get the priveledge of hearing people say things like, "Wow, you will look back on this in five years and laugh" or my all time favorite, "You have such a great calling and annointing to do _____!" Me in my impatience would usually smile politely and then vent to the nearest available person who understood (Emily Hockert, who is a miracle worker). What the Lord has been showing me is that I am not to despise the hope set before me.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us throw aside any encumberance and the sin which so easily entangles and let us run with endurance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Jesus only did what He did here on earth so that He could enjoy an eternity with us, His bride. When I look at the discomfort around me, I don't need to complain and tell anyone who will listen that it is not fair. I don't need to go looking for things that indicate that people are against me and then show them off like I am proud of them. I can choose my attitude, even in this. I will do what I have always done with spiritual things, run.
I will run right at it. I know that God has big, no huge things in store for me, and if a little discomfort and a lot of growing is what it takes to walk in those things eventually... I will run right at it and endure, fixing my eyes on Jesus and waiting for the promises that God has given me to come about, not by my doing, but allowing Him to do it in His perfect time.
So, my prayer for myself is simple... I want to know Your love and comfort, I want to experience it at my deepest core and allow this life changing knowledge to complete me in ways I never knew were possible.
Once that happens, I won't even be able to think about comfort... it will just be.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Richland, WA
I am taking a mini-vacation from everything... so I am now in Richland, WA (one of the Tri-Cities) and I am hanging out with my Dad for a few days. It is really great because I have nothing to do, no responsibilities to people or any obligations that I need to fulfil. I have free reign to just vegetate, spend time with Jesus and make music.
If you have myspace, you should check out my brother Timothy's page. He is my number one, and he left a comment telling me that he got saved yesterday!!!
I am slightly confused, because I thought he was saved already and that he know's the Lord, so him telling me he got saved... I just need more information, that is all. Maybe he got baptized in Holy Spirit, that would be cool.
I am going to play with ProTools now... I will try and keep up with e-mail and myspace and stuff, no I know that I will because I have nothing pending that would keep me from them!
If you have myspace, you should check out my brother Timothy's page. He is my number one, and he left a comment telling me that he got saved yesterday!!!
I am slightly confused, because I thought he was saved already and that he know's the Lord, so him telling me he got saved... I just need more information, that is all. Maybe he got baptized in Holy Spirit, that would be cool.
I am going to play with ProTools now... I will try and keep up with e-mail and myspace and stuff, no I know that I will because I have nothing pending that would keep me from them!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Sumner here I come...
I am moving to Sumner, sometime on Saturday after I get my room all packed up. I am not to sure how I feel about it, but the price is right and I hope to be working out there as well at either Costco or REI so the commute to work is good.
The reason that I have pause about moving to Sumner is because all my friends and church stuff I do is in Tacoma... a long ways from Sumner. I guess that I will put more miles on my truck than I want to beause all the things in Tacoma that I love are really worth it to me.
Hopefully, I will not be living out there for too long, because I would love to work either for Pierce County Sheriff's Department or for an Ambulance company. In order to work for an Ambulance company, I would need to recertify as an EMT. This would require me to audit some of the EMT classes offered at TCC, in Tacoma (a long ways from Sumner). Once I recertify, I can call up Mary Bridge Childrens Hospital and ask them if there are any positions available to me, or even apply to Tacoma General again and hopefully restart my career in the ER. I would also like to get hired with an Ambulance company, or someone that would eventually let me go through Paramedic training. Working as a Paramedic would give me so many options and advantages...
1) I would be able to fulfil a dream I have had since High School and be able to help people in the ultimate of dire emergency situations.
2) I could work in the ER as a Paramedic and basically do the same jobs Nurses do, with some restrictions of course.
3) The real reason I ever pursued medicine in the first place was to be able to go overseas and help impovrished nations by providing health care. This is a great way to get into areas of the world that have not heard the Gospel message of Jesus Christ!
4) I have always had a strange fascination with knowing what to do and being able to keep my head when people around me start to panic. Maybe it is a power trip, but I like to think of it as a gifting.
If none of this works out or if God leads otherwise, I can always try my hand at being a Sheriff's Deputy and patrol the parts of Pierce County that are not Tacoma. Don't get me wrong, I would like that too, it would just be much different.
So, as for now, I will be living in Sumner. It will be great because I won't be paying rent because it is a house that my Grandpa owns and uses as storage for stuff. Sumner is a nice town and a good area, it is just really far away from Tacoma.
The reason that I have pause about moving to Sumner is because all my friends and church stuff I do is in Tacoma... a long ways from Sumner. I guess that I will put more miles on my truck than I want to beause all the things in Tacoma that I love are really worth it to me.
Hopefully, I will not be living out there for too long, because I would love to work either for Pierce County Sheriff's Department or for an Ambulance company. In order to work for an Ambulance company, I would need to recertify as an EMT. This would require me to audit some of the EMT classes offered at TCC, in Tacoma (a long ways from Sumner). Once I recertify, I can call up Mary Bridge Childrens Hospital and ask them if there are any positions available to me, or even apply to Tacoma General again and hopefully restart my career in the ER. I would also like to get hired with an Ambulance company, or someone that would eventually let me go through Paramedic training. Working as a Paramedic would give me so many options and advantages...
1) I would be able to fulfil a dream I have had since High School and be able to help people in the ultimate of dire emergency situations.
2) I could work in the ER as a Paramedic and basically do the same jobs Nurses do, with some restrictions of course.
3) The real reason I ever pursued medicine in the first place was to be able to go overseas and help impovrished nations by providing health care. This is a great way to get into areas of the world that have not heard the Gospel message of Jesus Christ!
4) I have always had a strange fascination with knowing what to do and being able to keep my head when people around me start to panic. Maybe it is a power trip, but I like to think of it as a gifting.
If none of this works out or if God leads otherwise, I can always try my hand at being a Sheriff's Deputy and patrol the parts of Pierce County that are not Tacoma. Don't get me wrong, I would like that too, it would just be much different.
So, as for now, I will be living in Sumner. It will be great because I won't be paying rent because it is a house that my Grandpa owns and uses as storage for stuff. Sumner is a nice town and a good area, it is just really far away from Tacoma.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Life after PLU
I am sitting in the library with Chase and we are both looking for jobs and applying for them... It is kind of fun, but not really. I think that I would rather poke my eyes out with sharp, infected sticks than go through the "fun" of filling out another online application.
I need to move out of my room this weekend. I am still undecided as to where, but that needs to be figured out soon. My Grandpa has said that he would let me stay in one of his unoccupied houses in Sumner for free. This would be awesome, but it is in Sumner. I drove around there the other day and I got the distinc impression that I am called to Tacoma, not Sumner. I hope to find a place to live in Tacoma soon, there is some hope, it just needs to happen.
Chase and I also went shopping yesterday and I spent $95 on much needed new clothes. I am very happy because I got a pair of jeans, 3 pairs of shoes and a cool flannel shirt, all for under $100!!! I am proud of myself a little bit.
As for the job search... I dunno. There are some cool places that I could work, but it is hard to apply for them sometimes. I am in the process of applying at Pierce County Sheriff, so if I get that job in 4-6 months, I would be leaving any job that I would get now, so it is hard to say I will be there for a long time when I hope that I am not going to be... entiendas? I hope so, because I don't sometimes.
I need to move out of my room this weekend. I am still undecided as to where, but that needs to be figured out soon. My Grandpa has said that he would let me stay in one of his unoccupied houses in Sumner for free. This would be awesome, but it is in Sumner. I drove around there the other day and I got the distinc impression that I am called to Tacoma, not Sumner. I hope to find a place to live in Tacoma soon, there is some hope, it just needs to happen.
Chase and I also went shopping yesterday and I spent $95 on much needed new clothes. I am very happy because I got a pair of jeans, 3 pairs of shoes and a cool flannel shirt, all for under $100!!! I am proud of myself a little bit.
As for the job search... I dunno. There are some cool places that I could work, but it is hard to apply for them sometimes. I am in the process of applying at Pierce County Sheriff, so if I get that job in 4-6 months, I would be leaving any job that I would get now, so it is hard to say I will be there for a long time when I hope that I am not going to be... entiendas? I hope so, because I don't sometimes.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Burn Out...
One of the few problems with being a Man on Fire, is that you can burn out sometimes. I am not talking about God or anything, but I am ready to be done with Campus Safety. I do not have much desire to work anymore and the only thing that motivates me anymore is working with cool people and the fact that I am done in less than two weeks. What is next after that... I still dunno.
Here is a random thought for you... You know how the Bible says that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) but I never really understood that. I know that sin is bad and that it is bad for you, but for some reason it never just clicked for me. I was thinking about this the other day when I had an impression. It was my life back before I came into personal relationship with Jesus. I was an angry, frustrated, power hungry, driven and forceful person that was never good enough for anything. The Lord showed me that my past life was my form of death. I may not die right away from a specific sin or any other falling short of God's Glory (Romans 3:23) but I will suffer spiritual death.
Much like the human body, I think that we can suffer death and still be ok otherwise. Everday, millions, even billions of cells die and are recycled or discarded within a human body. If the body does not have the ability to clear out the dead stuff, the entire body will die. I was thinking about this and maybe this can apply to my spiritual life as well. Everyday I sin, everyday... So the dead stuff in my spirit needs to be removed every day, and often. I don't want the spiritual death to build up in my spirit, so I need to use God's gracious gift of repentance to clear out the gunk. This is a natural process that should require little outside help, beyond the potty training we receive as kids.
Sometimes, spiritual death can be little, a few cells dieing in the natural course of life, but other times there can be a debilitating injury that requires special intervention by a trained professional. This is where the act of confession comes in. A person who we trust to be able to help us, a mentor or a pastor or even some really good friends, is able to heal us by hearing our confession (James 5:16) and praying with us. In this function, massive healing is able to occur to our spirit and we are able to become whole again in ways we did not think possible...
I like this analogy, it has to do with medicine!!! I hope it makes sense and that no one thinks I am preaching excessively...
Here is a random thought for you... You know how the Bible says that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) but I never really understood that. I know that sin is bad and that it is bad for you, but for some reason it never just clicked for me. I was thinking about this the other day when I had an impression. It was my life back before I came into personal relationship with Jesus. I was an angry, frustrated, power hungry, driven and forceful person that was never good enough for anything. The Lord showed me that my past life was my form of death. I may not die right away from a specific sin or any other falling short of God's Glory (Romans 3:23) but I will suffer spiritual death.
Much like the human body, I think that we can suffer death and still be ok otherwise. Everday, millions, even billions of cells die and are recycled or discarded within a human body. If the body does not have the ability to clear out the dead stuff, the entire body will die. I was thinking about this and maybe this can apply to my spiritual life as well. Everyday I sin, everyday... So the dead stuff in my spirit needs to be removed every day, and often. I don't want the spiritual death to build up in my spirit, so I need to use God's gracious gift of repentance to clear out the gunk. This is a natural process that should require little outside help, beyond the potty training we receive as kids.
Sometimes, spiritual death can be little, a few cells dieing in the natural course of life, but other times there can be a debilitating injury that requires special intervention by a trained professional. This is where the act of confession comes in. A person who we trust to be able to help us, a mentor or a pastor or even some really good friends, is able to heal us by hearing our confession (James 5:16) and praying with us. In this function, massive healing is able to occur to our spirit and we are able to become whole again in ways we did not think possible...
I like this analogy, it has to do with medicine!!! I hope it makes sense and that no one thinks I am preaching excessively...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
What am I going to write about today?
I wonder, what I should tell you dear readers about today... I know that not many of you read this who don't see me almost everday and that you all know the stuff going on, but writing here is a real cathartic release for me and I really enjoy it. So what do you want to know about... I wonder, what are the questions burning in your mind for Samuel to answer?
As far as my future goes... I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I have kicked around some ideas, but they are all different and sometimes they don't seem to add up too well. What if I were to get into Law Enforcement? I think that I would make a good police officer, but do I really want to do that? I would rather work for a Fire Department or an Ambulance company but those jobs are few and far between with oogles of applicants that I would have to beat out for the job.
Pastor Lance told me that he could hook me up at the Costco distribution center in Sumner, so I think that would be a good opportunity for me. I could use that as a stable job and then apply myself to doing other things, like getting my EMT and going to work at Mary Bridge or applying and testing for Fire Service jobs. Maybe that would be the best course... but God is up to something big right now and I want to be along for the ride!!!
Pastor Lance has begun to take me under his wing and mentor me in a real way. Mark will always be my mentor in life, he will always be my spiritual father and never be replaced in my heart, but Lance is my ministry mentor. I am excited to learn from him and hang out with him. He asked me if it was ok to call me and drag me along on stuff that he is doing, so this is an opportunity to grow significantly in my ministry experience and to "learn the ropes" as it were.
Campus Safety is good, but I am ROAD right now. One of my supervisors, who served in the Air Force told me about that, he said that I am Retired On Active Duty; my replacement has been trained and I am just counting the days until I am done. 40 hours a week of the same thing can get monotonous (understatement of the year) but I only have 2 1/2 weeks left so I will press on. I like my job and the people I work with, but I am at the place where I need to be promoted or move out and I am moving out soon! I will miss the ability to go places on campus that most people have never seen or knew existed... I can honestly say that I have been in every single building on campus, sometimes for legitimate reasons.
I would like to study music in a way. I watched the Producers with some friends today and I have fallen in love with musicals! I realize how little I know about music and how much it doesn't make sense to me sometimes. I know the basics, and I am getting better at reading it on a sheet, but I don't know it very well. It is something I love and because of that, I desire to understand it. Why does a certain chord progression work vs. another or what about this melodic line makes it stand out. What do I have to do to this chord to make it a diminished or even a minor? I love music and performing music, but I am limited by my lack of knowledge. I also want to produce and arrange music and a thorough knowledge of what is going on in the song is essential to that.
Part of thinking about this comes from a meeting I had with Anto Marin. He is a friend, who is married to my friend Jenae who graduated with me in December. He has a bunch of songs written and he wants to sit down with me and arrange them and get them ready to record. I love the idea of going into the studio with him, but I am woefully unprepared. I can hear things in my head, but expressing them is another thing altogether; and we are not even getting to my lack of experience in studio recording! My Dad has done it for years and even has his own home studio, but I never took the time to learn from him. This was mostly due to his method of teaching, a lot of watching and little explanation or experience, but I look back and wish that I had got more out of that then I did. Oh well...
This turned out to be longer than I expected...
As far as my future goes... I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I have kicked around some ideas, but they are all different and sometimes they don't seem to add up too well. What if I were to get into Law Enforcement? I think that I would make a good police officer, but do I really want to do that? I would rather work for a Fire Department or an Ambulance company but those jobs are few and far between with oogles of applicants that I would have to beat out for the job.
Pastor Lance told me that he could hook me up at the Costco distribution center in Sumner, so I think that would be a good opportunity for me. I could use that as a stable job and then apply myself to doing other things, like getting my EMT and going to work at Mary Bridge or applying and testing for Fire Service jobs. Maybe that would be the best course... but God is up to something big right now and I want to be along for the ride!!!
Pastor Lance has begun to take me under his wing and mentor me in a real way. Mark will always be my mentor in life, he will always be my spiritual father and never be replaced in my heart, but Lance is my ministry mentor. I am excited to learn from him and hang out with him. He asked me if it was ok to call me and drag me along on stuff that he is doing, so this is an opportunity to grow significantly in my ministry experience and to "learn the ropes" as it were.
Campus Safety is good, but I am ROAD right now. One of my supervisors, who served in the Air Force told me about that, he said that I am Retired On Active Duty; my replacement has been trained and I am just counting the days until I am done. 40 hours a week of the same thing can get monotonous (understatement of the year) but I only have 2 1/2 weeks left so I will press on. I like my job and the people I work with, but I am at the place where I need to be promoted or move out and I am moving out soon! I will miss the ability to go places on campus that most people have never seen or knew existed... I can honestly say that I have been in every single building on campus, sometimes for legitimate reasons.
I would like to study music in a way. I watched the Producers with some friends today and I have fallen in love with musicals! I realize how little I know about music and how much it doesn't make sense to me sometimes. I know the basics, and I am getting better at reading it on a sheet, but I don't know it very well. It is something I love and because of that, I desire to understand it. Why does a certain chord progression work vs. another or what about this melodic line makes it stand out. What do I have to do to this chord to make it a diminished or even a minor? I love music and performing music, but I am limited by my lack of knowledge. I also want to produce and arrange music and a thorough knowledge of what is going on in the song is essential to that.
Part of thinking about this comes from a meeting I had with Anto Marin. He is a friend, who is married to my friend Jenae who graduated with me in December. He has a bunch of songs written and he wants to sit down with me and arrange them and get them ready to record. I love the idea of going into the studio with him, but I am woefully unprepared. I can hear things in my head, but expressing them is another thing altogether; and we are not even getting to my lack of experience in studio recording! My Dad has done it for years and even has his own home studio, but I never took the time to learn from him. This was mostly due to his method of teaching, a lot of watching and little explanation or experience, but I look back and wish that I had got more out of that then I did. Oh well...
This turned out to be longer than I expected...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Mary Bridge
I was hoping to be able to write a long post about how I got this great job at Mary Bridge Childrens Hospital and how I knew it was a God thing and how my life was going to be great after January.
Unfortunately I cannot do that. I found out yesterday that I will not be able to work at MB because I do not have a current EMT license. I am kind of frustrated because I could have worked harder at maintaining my certification and I am now reaping the reward of my laziness. But I know that where God closes doors (and this was a big door and looked great!) He will sometimes open windows, or even a better door!
The Nurse Manager I was talking to at Mary Bridge seemed very impressed with me because of the glowing reviews I got from my references (note to self, put their checks in the mail) and my background. He said that if I get my EMT reinstated soon to call and that they would find me an on-call position. I can still work at Mary Bridge, but not until I get my EMT back.
I can hear your next question, "What will it take to get your EMT back?" Great question and I have been working hard at figuring that out. I made contact with a lady in the Pierce County EMS office and she has given me a list of subjects that I need to pass in order to receritfy. I am hoping to be able to audit the EMT class at TCC that they are currently offering so that I can get those class hours and then pass the EMT Final. I cannot just sit for the EMT test again like I was hoping, but this is the next best thing. I will also need to find a Fire Depatment or Ambulance company to maintain my EMT certification. I would be able to go back to Vashon Fire, but I don't want to live on Vashon and finding time to be on the Island is hard... It might be a good thing though, because the Chief of VIFR was a real mentor to me when I really needed it during High School. I should call him again!
Long story short, I am back to being homeless and jobless in February, but God dosen't care about that. God wants me to worry about it as much as He does, and He has a plan already layed out for February... I just need to walk in it.
Unfortunately I cannot do that. I found out yesterday that I will not be able to work at MB because I do not have a current EMT license. I am kind of frustrated because I could have worked harder at maintaining my certification and I am now reaping the reward of my laziness. But I know that where God closes doors (and this was a big door and looked great!) He will sometimes open windows, or even a better door!
The Nurse Manager I was talking to at Mary Bridge seemed very impressed with me because of the glowing reviews I got from my references (note to self, put their checks in the mail) and my background. He said that if I get my EMT reinstated soon to call and that they would find me an on-call position. I can still work at Mary Bridge, but not until I get my EMT back.
I can hear your next question, "What will it take to get your EMT back?" Great question and I have been working hard at figuring that out. I made contact with a lady in the Pierce County EMS office and she has given me a list of subjects that I need to pass in order to receritfy. I am hoping to be able to audit the EMT class at TCC that they are currently offering so that I can get those class hours and then pass the EMT Final. I cannot just sit for the EMT test again like I was hoping, but this is the next best thing. I will also need to find a Fire Depatment or Ambulance company to maintain my EMT certification. I would be able to go back to Vashon Fire, but I don't want to live on Vashon and finding time to be on the Island is hard... It might be a good thing though, because the Chief of VIFR was a real mentor to me when I really needed it during High School. I should call him again!
Long story short, I am back to being homeless and jobless in February, but God dosen't care about that. God wants me to worry about it as much as He does, and He has a plan already layed out for February... I just need to walk in it.
Friday, January 05, 2007
A Man on Fire...
This new name seems to fit me very well...
I love Firefighting, such a rush and so much fun! I love the pressure of performing a skill perfectly with peoples lives on the line... call me weird if you want to. I have very fond memories of training with Vashon Fire and getting my helmet melted in some of the training fires we did because it was so hot. How many people can say that they have been into a burning building? I can!
One of my favorite movies of all time is Man on Fire, starring Denzel Wahington and directed by Ridley Scott. It is a very graphic and intense protrayal of a bodyguards revenge on the people who kidnapped his charge. It ends with a very cool ending full of sacrifice and reunion. Not for the faint of heart, but a great movie.
I just finished reading a book called Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala, Pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle. He writes an amazing and true story about how the power of prayer can transform a church. He very eloquently states the current starvation in the American Church due to lack of prayer and issues a bold call to wake up!
My favorite holiday is the 4th of July (shout out to all the cool people who came to Vashon for the last one, that trip will live in my memory for a long time!) The reason I love this holiday so much is because I get to light of Fireworks! I love seeing the hard earned money of people go up in smoke, oh but what cool and pretty smoke it is!
My favorite song in High School was Fireproof by Pillar. I thought it was the coolest thing ever! It really helped me to get through some things knowing that I was Fireproof in the eternal sense. I am very grateful that I know Jesus in a better way now than I did then, but I still love being Fireproof!
One of my favorite things to do is to go to the beach and light a bonfire. It is so much fun to just sit and watch the sunset, be with friends and eventually make s'mores. The best ones are when you get about 10 pallets and light those off!
A favorite story in the Bible comes from the 1 Kings 18, Elijah vs. the prophets of Baal.
The best prayer times are those where the Fire of the Holy Spirit is invited. I remeber times in the Prayer Shack with Chad Johnson and Chase Donnely as we prayed the fire of the Holy Spirit on one another. Chase always got worked by God quickly and Chad and I would end up on the floor in Holy laughter, always a great time! I need more times like that in my life.
Finally, my favorite description of a man of God comes from Zecariah 3:2, "...is this not a brand plucked from the fire?" I love this picture! As a servant of God, I am to be burning hot and completely consumed. The only way to stay on fire is for the brand to stay in the fire.
That is where my life is. I want to be a Man on Fire, consumed with passion that expresses itself as service to my King and those around me. I want to remain hot and in order to do so, I need to abide in the original fire, the Fire of the Holy Spirit.
I love Firefighting, such a rush and so much fun! I love the pressure of performing a skill perfectly with peoples lives on the line... call me weird if you want to. I have very fond memories of training with Vashon Fire and getting my helmet melted in some of the training fires we did because it was so hot. How many people can say that they have been into a burning building? I can!
One of my favorite movies of all time is Man on Fire, starring Denzel Wahington and directed by Ridley Scott. It is a very graphic and intense protrayal of a bodyguards revenge on the people who kidnapped his charge. It ends with a very cool ending full of sacrifice and reunion. Not for the faint of heart, but a great movie.
I just finished reading a book called Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala, Pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle. He writes an amazing and true story about how the power of prayer can transform a church. He very eloquently states the current starvation in the American Church due to lack of prayer and issues a bold call to wake up!
My favorite holiday is the 4th of July (shout out to all the cool people who came to Vashon for the last one, that trip will live in my memory for a long time!) The reason I love this holiday so much is because I get to light of Fireworks! I love seeing the hard earned money of people go up in smoke, oh but what cool and pretty smoke it is!
My favorite song in High School was Fireproof by Pillar. I thought it was the coolest thing ever! It really helped me to get through some things knowing that I was Fireproof in the eternal sense. I am very grateful that I know Jesus in a better way now than I did then, but I still love being Fireproof!
One of my favorite things to do is to go to the beach and light a bonfire. It is so much fun to just sit and watch the sunset, be with friends and eventually make s'mores. The best ones are when you get about 10 pallets and light those off!
A favorite story in the Bible comes from the 1 Kings 18, Elijah vs. the prophets of Baal.
It came about at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, "Call out with a loud voice, for he is a god; either he is occupied or gone aside, or is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and needs to be awakened."
After taunting the prophets of Baal, Elijah turns to his reliable God,"Answer me, O LORD, answer me, that this people may know that You, O LORD, are God, and that You have turned their heart back again." Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.
I love this story!The best prayer times are those where the Fire of the Holy Spirit is invited. I remeber times in the Prayer Shack with Chad Johnson and Chase Donnely as we prayed the fire of the Holy Spirit on one another. Chase always got worked by God quickly and Chad and I would end up on the floor in Holy laughter, always a great time! I need more times like that in my life.
Finally, my favorite description of a man of God comes from Zecariah 3:2, "...is this not a brand plucked from the fire?" I love this picture! As a servant of God, I am to be burning hot and completely consumed. The only way to stay on fire is for the brand to stay in the fire.
That is where my life is. I want to be a Man on Fire, consumed with passion that expresses itself as service to my King and those around me. I want to remain hot and in order to do so, I need to abide in the original fire, the Fire of the Holy Spirit.
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